"you fit in because you fulfill a special function that others can't."
so yesterday was one of those days where you know you wake up sad and in a terrible mood and the world seems to react to that and makes things worse.

it started out pleasantly enough, i rode my bike to work before this five day, yes five day rain spell we were about to receive. as soon as i got into work (30 minutes early) clients on the phone and salespeople were getting on my nerves. i told kayla when i went to get my lunch that i hoped someone tried to start a fight with me because i was ready to punch someone in the head...then tim was all annoyed with me because i had a conversation with his ex-roommate who happens to live in my building. the conversation went something like this:

ex-roommate: tim's a jerk, watch your back. he'll destroy you if you wrong him.
me: no sir. you're mistaken. i don't want to talk about this it's not my business.
ex-roommate: no, i'm not mistaken, you'll see.

so i told tim and he was all livid i even spoke to the guy. i'm like it's not like i'm friends with the dude. i told him i didn't want to talk about it etc. he just kept acting bitchy even though he said he was over it. blah blah blah. ya, i'm over it too. i didn't just jump out a pit of drama to jump in another one. if one guy more guy makes me feel guilty for anything i swear i'll push them down a well!

guys i'd like to get to know better:

michael
tim
marc
that cute guy who smiles at me at the gym and waves at me through the glass once i'm outside

so when i was going home in the rain without an umbrella i was thinking about marc and thought "wouldn't it be cute if i ran into him on the subway because it's happened once before" and not even 45 seconds later i walk up the platform stairs (ala that scene in cruel intentions at the airport) and there he is all shiny and new (and cute) in his little puma outfit. sigh. so i ask him if we're still on for the gym and he says, "no because it's raining!" lol. okay. random aside, did you know he calls me 'lunchbox' in portuguese because i carry a lunchbox on occassion. apparently i'm known amongst his friends and the community as lunchbox boy. *eye roll*

fine. so as we were about to part ways i hear the bus coming so i start running up the escalator stairs to the street and right as i'm passing this one guy he sticks his elbow out in front of me to light a cigarette. of course his elbow gets caught no my back-pack. i keep going. once i get up there i notice the bus is going the other way. grrr. i say, goodbye to marc as he darts home in the rain.

so as i'm standing there and this dude comes up to me and is all, "excuse me. can i talk to you asshole?" i'm all, "what?" as i clutch my ipod in outrage and fear it will be damaged when i unleash holy hell on this guy. my first thought was, "okay i can see where this is going. i knew i should have gotten that ipod warranty!" anywho, he says, "how dare you elbow me!" i was like, "WHAT?!" because he elbowed himself when he stuck his elbow in my face when he was lighting up illegally in the subway terminal. grrr. he kept saying, "i want to talk to you over here." i was like, "i'm not going anywhere with you." he was all, "fucking faggot." blowing smoke all over the place. i swear to god it took all the strength i had no to beat the piss out of this piece of trash but i was afraid i'd damage my brand new video ipod. it was so strange, everyone was just standing around. when the bus finally came i got on, as did he, then he got off at the homeless stop. douche.

when i got home i sorta lingered a bit to eat some cake. yes cake. i had a bad day. then i felt guilty so i decided to go do the elliptical at the gym alone (echo). by the time i got a block from the gym, my sweats were like a sponge and looking heavy, which made my dick stick out which made me uncomfortable cuz they kept clinging to my body. grrr. i was like, "fine i can live with this as long as my feet stay dry." yup, you guessed it, not even 20 feet from the gym i stepped right off the curb into a puddle that consumed my whole foot because some guy smiled at me. grrr. my new superman-blue pumas are practically made of foam and some kinda of porous material so i might as well have been wearing sponges on my feet. haha. i was like, "fuck. great. fuck."

i squished my way through my tour of duty on the elliptical machine and became increasingly self conscious because you could clearly seem my dick bobbing all over the place in my sweats because they were so wet. then i got all paranoid that i would start to get hard because of all the movement down there. so i was like, "okay think about baseball cuz that's what they say. mmmm. baseball players. hot. ok no baseball! think about old ladies, think about old ladies!" i distracted myself by watching last week's alias on my ipod and noticed some girl totally checking out my package. ignored her, watched alias. another blood bath.

i squished my way home and peeled off my soaked gym clothes and crashed on my leather sofa in my boxer briefs long enough to eat half a bag of doritos (ya i was on a roll) and watch the season finale of veronica mars. fan. tas. tic. if you've never seen this show, go buy season one, you'll fall in love. top 5 show of my lifetime. season 2 comes out in a month or so. whatever you do, don't read spoilers, so many twists. last night's episode was great. i was saying, "no! no way! oh my god! get out! no!" over and over the last 30 minutes. better than 24!

i talked to marc and tim (different tim) online until i went to bed around 11:30pm. i did not want to get up today. i slept really well and had the longest strangest dream about kayla and i working on a project in some kind of gothic architectural school with a dirt floor and really high ceilings. i remember thinking i've been near here before. this place is like the place where dennis was killed by zombies in my dream from a few weeks ago. anywho, the project was full of darkness and gloom. i loved it. it was very gothic but she was doing most of the work because i kept having to go to the gym. lol. i kept saying, "kayla you're doing all the work, they're going to find out. she was like don't worry about it. you need to go to the gym!!" lol. for some reason i woke up today happy and rested despite day two of the rain.

todays horoscope: "you fit in because you fulfill a special function that others can't." kayla says that sounds terrible but it actually made me smile because all day yesterday i kept thinking, what is my fucking purpose in this lifetime? because it seems like it's to meet guys who want to make me feel guilty, manipulate me, hurt my feelings and treat me like shit because they want to feel better about themselves. i guess that's the function i bring to society: "hang out with gary! he'll build up your self esteem and give you all of his glow/energy and you can cast him aside like an emotional vampire."