157 things you may or may not want to know about me!
for the last three years i've made a list of random things about myself that you may or may not want to know. i usually add 50 new things to the list each year. so for your enjoyment here is a list of 157 random things about myself...if you've read the previous lists you might want to check it out the previous 101 things because i've modified and added more details to some of the previous entries, otherwise scroll down to 102 and go from there.

1. when i was a kid i would often dream of faking my own death. i wondered what it would be like to go to my own funeral and see if anyone really did give a dam about me. i'd even go so far as to dream of what it would be like to come back after 25 years and extract some sort of revenge on the people that made my life a living hell growing up.

2. a random closeted gay kid with ms calls me on the phone every few weeks to talk. some how he got my phone number after seeing my website. he just calls to talk because he doesn't know anyone else like him (ie gay). he can't even say the word.

3. i love rollercoasters. when i go to amusement parks i ride them all day long. last summer jared and i spent the whole day on the superman ride and screamed mommie dearest quotes every time we went down the first incline. we always sat in the last car and screamed, people on the ride thought we were mentally ill.

4. i'm drawn to people with broken souls or people with doomed outlooks on life. i will do everything in my power to cheer them up and/or "fix" them.

5. when i was little i had the biggest crush on joyce dewitt. when she cried in the last episode of three's company i felt dead inside.

6. i've helped four blind people cross the street since i've been living in boston, twice while i was still talking on my cell phone.

7. i always got a "u" in "uses time wisely" on my report card in elementary school. i used to get severe cases of the giggles. i'd spend all day trying to make all the girls laugh. even when the teacher was furiously yelling at me to stop laughing, i'd still be giggling with tears in my eyes unable to stop.

8. my fifth grade teacher was the first african american i'd ever spoken to. she scared the fuck out of me.

9. when i was a young teenager the courts forced us to spend visitation time with my father. he only did things he liked to do and he never really wanted to spend time with us, his mother put him up to it. we'd always end up fishing, which i hated. whenever he'd take us out on his boat, i'd always fantasize about pushing him overboard and driving away.

10. i used to play doctor with a neighbor kid behind the shed in our yard. his older brother found out and always threatened to expose me. i was terrified he'd tell people we were gay, although i didn't know what gay was when i was 10.

11. i have a dr. marlena evans brady black (days of our lives) barbie doll in the original packaging in the back of my closet. it was a gag gift from joel.

12. i had (2) one hundred page photo albums full of stickers when i was in elementary school. i was obsessed with owning every "lisa frank" sticker on the planet. my sister destroyed them all when i was in high school. i could have killed her.

13. when i was 17 i drove my car into a van load of samoans in a snow storm in the mountains. they got out of their car, grunted and got back in and drove away. my car had about $4000.00 worth of damage to it. i told my mom i never wanted to drive again so she'd feel bad and not ground me for life.

14. i was always the funniest kid in class until the fourth grade when i realized i had a crush on this boy named timothy. i became so paranoid people would find out i was afraid to look him in the eye.

15. when i was seventeen my nana hung a sign at the senior center and talked all her friends into letting me mow their lawns. i made a lot of money that summer. it was cool because i'd mow their lawn for 30 minutes and then spend three hours talking to them. most seniors just want someone to talk to. i wish i could vollenteer to do something like that.

16. my family got a cat when i was a very young. i named it "kitty". when it slept in my crib i thought it's tail was seperately alive from it's body because it's body would always be asleep and the tail would still move. i used to walk kitty on a leash (with fake rhinestones on the collar) through the ghetto with my mom when i was young. i took the cat everywhere with me. it was my only friend.

17. my mother had me when she was 17. we lived in the ghetto in malden. i learned to walk on a floor that was sloped. we eventually moved out because the building was condemned and demolished.

18. one of my earliest memories is making gingerbread men in our old kitchen with my mom when i was two. i got to press the m&m's for eyes into each cookie. whenever i smell gingerbread i remember how happy i was.

19. i don't like green candy. subconciously i think it tastes like the leaves of the different fruits that are represented in the bag.

20. i once stole a playgirl from walden books and felt so guilty i threw it in a dumpster on the way home before i could "read" it.

21. i put a semester of my high school best friend's college tuiton on my credit card because she only had two days to pay it or she wouldnt' graduate.

22. my dead nana came to me in my sleep and woke me up a few days after she died. she whispered something in my ear and it almost drove me mad for days because i couldn't remember what it was that she said to me but i knew it would change my life.

23. to this day whenever i do something, i assume my nana is watching over me and i think, would she be proud of this or that decision?

24. i loathe appointed president bush. i mean i physically get upset when i see his smirking face. i think if somenoe assassinated him, i may actually smile.

25. i used to ride on the back of my dad's motorcycle when i was five years old. he would belt me to him and i'd grab onto him as hard as i could. i felt like hot shit riding down the highway as other cars would look out their windows and see how cool i was.

26. i've saved every movie stub from every movie i've ever seen since i was 18. i keep them in an antique box in my media room.

27. i didn't go to my prom. i went to the after party with my only friend in high school, rhonda smith. when she was across the hall drinking with her friends i was in our room watching that puppet sitcom madame eating soft-batch cookies by myself.

28. i didn't have my first drink of alcohol until i was 24 years old. it was a white russian. i got totally trashed on that one drink at the old chaps with ed luciano.

29. i had my first kiss when i was 18 with my first boyfriend frank. we were together for about two years.

30. when i was 8 my childhood best friend michelle bruce peer pressured me into writing a fan letter to olivia newton john. she wrote me back and sent a signed autograph which i hid in my room because i was embarressed by it.

31. i smashed all my match box cars in the street with a rocks when i was a kid. i kept them all in a bucket. my favorite car was this gold buick because my grammy always drove a buick.

32. i secretly blamed my little sister's miscarriage on my little brother because she was going through a really difficult time when he was going through a really difficult time and i felt he was burdening her. i'm over it now but i didn't speak to him for a year. i think i just needed someone tangible to blame for such a senseless tragedy.

33. i use architectural nine's, like this "9". people always ask me what they are.

34. i love to bake. when i was a kid i used to let my brothers and sister help me make whoopie pies. we'd giggle and make the biggest messes with the powdered sugar. we always made extra filling to eat out of the bowl after we made them.

35. i once made a time capsule with a friend as a kid and we put a dead mouse in the capsule. we opened it three months later and we were convinced we may had gotten rabies because we touched all the things that touched the dead mouse.

36. when i was a teenager i used to keep a scrap-book of anything related to the soap opera santa barbara. i kept it hidden under my bed so no one would know about it.

37. i used to tape my favorite shows and make my mom watch them to see if she would laugh at all the parts i thought were funny. i'd always explain why it was funny. i wanted so much for her to like me.

38. my mother was a cold woman. i desperately wanted her affection. she got mad at me one time and said i was just "like my father" a man we all knew was the epitome of evil in her eyes. i think that was the day i began to hate her and myself for many many years.

39. when i came out to my mother she sent me a letter in the mail cutting me out of her life. she explained in explicate detail how i would die of aids, listing all the symptoms in explicate detail. i wanted to die. we didn't speak for almost five years.

40. i've fallen in love with 4 of my best male friends and 1 female friend. i'm still friends with all of the guys but it's not the same.

41. when i worked at this nightclub quest for three months i tried to get one kid to quit smoking, i tried to get one kid off drugs and i tried to get one kid to quit this escort service he worked for.

42. growning up, my mother used to drink alone in her room with the door locked. one time she was drinking when i cracked my head open. i had to pound on the door like a crazy person because she was locked in her room. i could barely see because my eyes were filled with blood from the injury.

43. sometimes i can read peoples thoughts and make them think things and get them to say them. it's beyond creepy. i mean it's not mind control but i just think something to myself and then they say it.

44. i had a severe sleeping disorder when i was a child. i'd wake up in the strangest places, not having any memory of how i got there. i once woke up behind our washing machine, in the shed behind our house, in my neighbors basement and in a closet in our home.

45. when my nana died i was so overcome with tears that i almost slipped on some mud and fell into her open grave. (it was pouring rain.) my uncle caught me.

46. i received a $250.00 scholarship for college from the family of a boy who lost their son in a ski mobile accident.

47. i called my previous boss a "stupid bitch" to her face and told her to take "her job and shove it" when she fired my best friend joel. she told me to take two days off and gave me a raise and a promotion.

48. i was mugged three times in the first three months i lived in the city. they never got any money from me. the first time he had a gun. the second time he had a knife. the third time it was three kids who surrounded me. each time i either faught them off or outsmarted them. i had as little as $3.00 in my pocket one time and as much as $650.00 in my pocket another.

49. my father used to beat us with this club he widdled out of a log on a camping trip. he called it "the fish" and it's tail was the handle. it's body was brunt of force. it was about 12" long by 3" wide and about an inch thick. he used to hide it in the bottom of the towel closet. when my mom threw him out we burned it.

50. i believe in love at first sight and it's happened to me 6 times. (edited)

51. my little brother michael had rage issues when we were kids. i once had to lock him in the basement to stop him from beating up my siblings. he freaked out and put a hammer through the door trying to get out. my mom blamed me. she always blamed me.

52. i kissed my female office assistant on the dance floor at avalon while we were dancing; we never mentioned it the next day.

53. my best friend girl in the 7th grade pretended to write me love letters so i could break up with jen bennett, my 7th grade girlfriend.

54. my boyfriend (at the time) jerked off on camera for my internet stalker and the stalker sent me the pictures to hurt me.

55. a fat girl in the 2nd grade forced me to kiss her on the playground behind the building at school. i hated her but i was afraid she'd kick my ass because she was like 6" taller than me.

56. i'm gay but i occasionally like to kiss girls when i'm drunk because it's different.

57. i made a new friend last year who innocently brought me a cookie in a bag to a gay bar and gave it to me in front of my (then) boyfriend. it was very random but in a cool way. the boyfriend was not pleased. i still have that cookie frozen in my freezer. if i could press it into a memory book i probably would. i love random shit like that.

58. the weirdest thing anyone has every mailed me from the internet was an autographed program for charles nelson reilly's one man show on broadway. i heart it.

59. i once sent a friend who was depressed flowers anonymously from secret admirer to cheer him up.

60. a caught an internet "friend" who was staying with me writing down my social security number and put it in his luggage. i went into his luggage and took it back and threw it out when he left the room. he then came back and took it back before he left from the trash. when i called him on it days later he said it was because he never wanted to lose touch with me.

61. i've thought about leaving my condo in my will to someone who would never expect to get it but has left a profound impact on my life.

62. my soulmate is married to someone else but i'm honestly happy he is because i'd never be able to make him happy and i'd possibly lose the friendship. this isn't about sex, it's about a connection.

63. i'm not as bitter as i pretend to be sometimes, it's just amusing and i like to make people laugh.

64. i've promised myself that if i don't meet the one by the time i'm 35 i'm going to either find a surrogate or adopt a child, preferably from birth.

65. in high school i secretly jerked off thinking about fucking the guys who made fun of me every day.

66. my mother gave away our dog as a child to a neighbor at the end of the street and told us he went to live on a farm.

67. i used to be a paperboy when i was a kid. i spent all the money on candy.

68. i once rolled over after sex in the morning with my boyfriend and pulled a box of drake's funny bones out of the drawer and ate them in bed. he couldn't stop laughing. what? they're good.

69. i lost my virginity to someone who pretended he had cancer.

70. i have 7 copies of those all about me books from 7 different guys. i've only filled out 3 for other people.

71. the most romantic environment i've ever been in where i didn't have sex was on a train from paris to vienna with "monkey".

72. i've eaten a romantic dinner on top of the eiffel tower.

73. i've loved and lost (by my own hand) and lived to regret it.

74. one of my boyfriends at the time kicked my car door and threatened to out me to my mother because we had a fight and i was trying to leave.

75. i've only had strawberries and whipped cream once and i didn't think it was very romantic.

76. i've always wanted to be a gymnast when i was a kid. i used to do flips and walk-overs down the length of my street for attention.

77. i was totally in love with a neighborhood kid who was friends with me up until middle school. he had a fraternal twin, the twin was evil and hated me. he used to make fun of me in school and the good twin would just sit back in silence, paralyzed to say anything despite the fact that i could tell he wanted to stand up for me.

78. i've only been accepted wholeheartedly into a boyfriend's family once in my lifetime and it was possibly the most secure and validated i've ever felt in a relationship. i long to feel that again.

79. watching an episode of ellen can cheer me up no matter how sad or depressed i am.

80. i own two autographed books: margaret cho's i'm the one that i want and charles shultz's a dark and stormy night with snoopy and the peanuts gang.

81. the first time i went to new york alone i was propositioned for sex the second i left the port authority bus terminal. when i turned him down and said i wasn't a prostitute i asked him if "i looked liked a prostitute." and he said, "yes" because i was wearing a tight tshirt and i was young. apparently those are the only prerequisites.

82. i was once groped in the elevator in my office building by someone i don't know.

83. i once asked someone out i didn't know while they were in line paying for their food at the au bon pain in my office building. everyone in lined cooed and he just blushed. in my defense i was overcome with confidence from a friend and high as a kite on st. johns wart. interestingly enough his name was john (now my best friend).

84. some guy confided in me that their friend spilled a drink on a girlfriend of mine (twice), just so he could talk to me.

85. i have a small scar right below my hairline from the time my neighbor hit me in the forehead with a golf club. i have a 9 inch scar on my leg from the time i fell on my broken donald duck bank when i was a child. i have a small scar on my back from the time i fell out of a tree hitting branches on the way down and landing on a log.

86. i always thought kids my own age were stupid. whenever i went to a family party i'd always hang out with the adults and talk to them while they got drunk.

87. a coworker once sent me an e-mail by mistake trashing me to another coworker. they were conspiring to get me fired. i kept the e-mail and called them on it. they tried to say they were kidding. she eventually quit.

88. my nana always told me i was her favorite in front of my other siblings. *preens*

89. every year i bitch about having to go to the company christmas party and every year i usually have fun. i also say i'm always going to have a date and then i can never find one in time.

90. i've been told by the best kisser i know that i'm the best kisser he knows. the trick is more lip, less tongue. every guy always tells me i'm a great kisser so i've got that going for me.

91. i feel that touching elbows at a movie theatre with someone you have feelings for is more exhilarating than kissing someone you have no chemistry with.

92. i only like ice cream if it's totally filled or covered with stuff.

93. i don't actually have a cake fetish, despite the ongoing jokes and photos to the contrary.

94. i used to have terrible nightmares as a kid that i was being sucked out of my bunkbed from my room and i could hear voices speaking to me through the fan in my bedroom.

95. i had exploratory surgery before my doctors realized i had kidney stones because they thought i had some kind of "gay" disease, despite the fact that i told them i'd never "gone all the way" with a guy.

96. i work about a 13 minute bike ride from my house but it takes me upwards of an hour and a half sometimes to get home via public transportation.

97. my first car seized up on the mass pike because it ran out of oil. a cab slammed on his breaks in the middle of the highway, which didn't have a breakdown lane to pick me up. he said i could go "anywhere" for free as a result and the state would reimburse the cab company. he suggested some place warm.

98. one of my most embarressing moments was walking around my school for 3 periods with a pair of red underwear hanging out of the front of my pants. earlier that morning i grabbed 2 pairs by mistake and stuffed one pair in the front of my pants so i'd remember to put them away when i got back to my room. my hands were full of hair products and a blow dryer and my brother was trying to get into the bathroom so i forgot to remove them. no one told me and i eventually noticed before 3rd period.

99. * this space was intentionally left blank *

100. i took my little brother and sister when they were kids to see dorothy parker and the viscous circle. they were bored and perplexed beyond belief.

101. i used to lay in bed when i was around 10 years old and wonder why i was on this earth. was it a dream or was it real? and if it was real, what was my purpose.

102. i'm not sure there is anyone out there who can truly understand and accept me for who and what i am.

103. when i was a kid, i used the alarm on my remote controlled knight rider car to create mock-fire drills with my little brothers and sister. i think i'd seen one too many of those bugs bunny/daffy duck fire safety commercials, that and i loved climbing out the second story window and climbing down the tree outside my window. hee.

104. i was friends with one of the finalists to be cast on punky brewster as punky. she wasn't all that bitter about it since punky was such a good-two-shoes. she was the first dark friend i had; she always wore converse sneakers and black t-shirts, her name was toni. she was a transfer student from new york. i always thought she was the shit.

105. i haven't spoken to my mother since she voted for george bush for re-election in 2004 and told me she voted for gore. my brother set me straight. it wasn't so much that we'd spent hours talking about politics and she said she agreed with everything i said and voted for him anyway but the fact that i couldn't deal with her lies, big and small any more. i seriously don't know who this woman is because she never lets me, or anyone in.

106. i was the only person in the office who wasn't so thrilled about hiring kiki (kayla), who's now one of my best friends. she was so "fronting" to get the job despite the fact that i was trying to get her to loosen up so i could see if we had anything in common. this was the only time i was glad i'm glad my bosses didn't listen to me.

107. my coworker kayla and i have a secret drinking game about everyone in our office. we're thinking we might unleash it at the company christmas party...or maybe not. hehe.

108. i have more in common (it seems) with my coworker's mother than i do with most of my peers and best friends.

109. when my little brother passed out at my mother's remarriage ceremony i only glanced at him briefly then looked back to the ceremony, which went on uninteruppted and was all caught on film. they just dragged his lifeless body off camera.

110. i was a big brother in the big brother, big sister program for three years. my "little" was eventually taken into custody for locking his handicapped mother in her room for four days.

111. i broke my arm rollerblading when i was trying to dodge a trolley in traffic and i had to rollerblade to the emergency room because i couldn't find anyone to help me.

112. i am a freak about only being photographed from my left side. i have too many cow-licks on the other side of my head and i think i look better from the left. (there that should put that to rest, don't e-mail me thinking you're the only one to notice.)

113. i love the music scores to films. i own over a hundred of them. they're great to rollerblade or bike to. it's like your own mini-soundtrack.

114. i had my first kiss when i was 19 years old from my first boyfriend. we were together for about a year and a half but eventually broke up because he was fiercely jealous of my best friend who unbeknownst to me i was in love with.

115. i first fooled around with a guy in the milner hotel in boston. i didn't do anything i was so freaked out. and i was convinced the people at the desk knew we were going to have sex.

116. i didn't go all the way with a guy until i was 26 (i think) with a guy who eventually became my roommate three years later. it was the only guy i never used protection with until dennis.

117. my ex boyfriend and i fought for a week over this list last year because he didn't think i mentioned him enough, he also conversely got angry when i would mention because he didn't want people knowing his business.

118. i bought dennis a ring last year to ask him to marry me on his birthday but we were fighting so much i decided to just give it to him as a "promise ring". i sometimes wonder where we'd be now if i had just asked him instead of being so insecure about it. our biggest issue was always each person being afraid the other person didn't love them enough.

119. the song that best represents my life at the moment is the cheezy song by nick lachey, "what's left of me". like every lyric fits who i am and where i am perfectly.

120. in the third grade i refused to learn my multiplication tables because my parents were divorcing so the teacher called my parents into school for a conference.

121. the only time i ever free-balled it was when i wore just basketball shorts to the gym and i got an erection on the way home from all the bouncing going on down there. i literally had to hold my boner up to my body for like seven blocks so no one would see, i wasn't very successful.

122. i tried to kill myself twice as a kid and my mother never really noticed. i took poison from my chemistry set marked "fatal if swallowed" and mixed it with some orange juice. the second time i put gasoline on a salad and ate it, both times i just threw up for days and no one ever knew why.

123. an ex boyfriend of mine pretended he tried to kill himself and pretended he was medi-flighted to a hospital in boston and pretended he was on life support, all because i broke up with him. it turned out to be a lie and i didn't discover it until i called his best friend at work and she was like, "what are you talking about, he's in work today. i'm looking at him right now." i told her i never wanted to talk to him again and to pass that along.

124. i kept my last boyfriends toothbrush in my medicine cabinet for six months after we broke up because i really thought we'd work it out and be together some day. i threw it out a few weeks ago.

125. i've alway wanted to be photographed as a dead merman, sufficating on dry land.

126. i've always wanted to do a series of photos of myself being pretend-dead after fake suicide attempts, ie. bullet to the head, empty bottle of pills surround by broken glass, slashed wrists in a bloody tub, or a photograph of myself drown in a tub (my greatest fear is drowning).

127. i've never ever showered in a locker room in my lifetime.

128. i don't know how long my dick is despite people always asking me. my standard answer is "i don't measure it because i'm not in the 8th grade any more." lol.

129. the first time i jerked off my best friend jerry peterson was in my basement playing video games with my little brothers. i excused myself for some reason and went to my room to jerk off. i didn't know what was happening but he almost walked in on me as i was orgasming. i seriously had no idea what cum was or what had happened but i liked it.

130. in my mid twenties i used to come home from the gym and eat an entire entamann's chocolate cake and my roommate would give me the stink-eye as he was making stir fried veggies and chicken. hee.

131. if i died today my ex boyfriend dennis would still get my condo.

132. i was hit by the short bus on my bicycle and knocked unconcious. a bystander who happened to have the same name as my stalker called my ex boyfriend (of two months) and told him i'd had an accident and to go to boston medical. my ex misunderstood and thought the stalker had tried to kill me. he rushed away from work an hour away to ask me to get back together with him in the hospital. i was so happy something so great came out of something so awful. we had the best sex ever that week. we broke up a few months later.

133. my neighbor once hit me in the face with golf club at full swing. i called his mother a "stupid bitch" when she asked me what happened as i ran off blinded by the blood in my eyes. when i got home my mother was locked in her bedroom drinking as i pounded on the door.

134. my little sister was hit mail truck when she was a kid.

135. my scariest moment was when i thought my sister had been kidnapped. she was actually in the woods with some kids fooling around with some boy who was friends with our other brother. i wanted to beat him senseless.

136. one of my good friends mothers told me i was a natural witch. my mom and my nana and i have always had extra sensory emotions. i can sometimes feel other people's emotions as if i'm experiencing them for myself.

137. i can quote the entire movie mommie dearest with accuracy from beginning to end.

138. my new favorite bands of the moment are ladytron, shiny toy guns and robots in disguise. i can't believe i've never heard of them before last week.

139. i sent my coworker to my hair stylist and he gave her a really awesome cut. it looks a little like early joan jett. she'd look perfect wearing my white skull belt and pumas.

140. i like telling random girl-clerks in clothing stores that i like their hair, outfit, etc. because it makes me happy to see them light up.

141. my old roommate almost got arrested mistakenly for prostitution.

142. someone once offered me $2500.00 to make a jerk off video for him. i turned him down.

143. i always get teary-eyed every year when i get my performance review at work and my boss says nice things about me. i always get teary-eyed when people say nice things about me. i. just. can't. handle. it.

144. my first best friend michelle bruce's mother had an affair and got pregnant so they sold their home and moved away. i was crushed. i only saw her once again after that when the baby was born and i have a photograph.

145. i only weighed 103 pounds when i graduated college.

146. i've only had sex with one guy at a time, ie never any three-ways, orgies for me etc.

147. two different people invited me a sex parties last week, this is the first time anyone has ever asked me that and it happened twice in the same week. i laughed both times and said, "ummm. no."

148. i hate it when strangers come up to me and ask me if i'm "gary jr" from the internet because i feel like such a tool to be revealing so many personal things about myself to total strangers.

149. i have a 7 inch scar on my right leg from the time i fell on my broken donald duck bank as a kid.

150. i'm only acquaintances with someone i used to be like best friends with and every time i see him i feel sad because we had such a great connection.

151. other than dying alone my greatest fear is drowning. ever since i almost drown as a kid because my mom wouldn't give me one of the 3 floaty rings she had and the undertoe pulled me under. just how many times can one woman scar me for like? i've lost count.

152. my friend starcrosslover named his kitten "gary jr the third" after me. he wants me to send him child kitten support. hehe.

153. i have three gay friends who've married woman to stay in this country.

154. the guy i have a date with tonight offered to do "cheap" body work on dennis' car when it got vandalized when we were dating. i had no idea he actually fancied me at the time but he actually wanted to help him even though he liked me cuz he's just that nice of a guy. awe. i totally heart that.

155. interestingly enough i never found volleyball all that interesting but now i think it's kinda sexy. it might be all the jumping around in loose shorts or the animalist grunting. or it could have something to do with a particular player. i'm not quite sure. hehe.

156. my co-worker's mom always bakes things and gives her two pieces each time, one for kayla and one for me. hehe. she always says, "and he's one for gary." haha.

157. my boss actually told me today that the reason i don't have a boyfriend is because my legs are too white. keep in mind he's a 55 year old straight republican who goes hunting on the weekends. *gets out sun-tan lotion* (hey it can't hurt.) actually the only logic i see in that is that i'll get skin cancer again and all the boys will throw themselves at me when i'm on my deathbed. they don't call me "day late-dollar short" for nothing.