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Wednesday, May 24th, 2006
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| Subject: | "i love the short jackets with the high arm holes." |
| Time: | 9:23 am. |
| Mood: |  floopy. |
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 so i met with alan rouleau couture last night armed with a stack of photos from neil barrett's latest collection of tuxedos, jackets and shirts. john had me try on a the neil barrett jacket (pictured in olive) at louis boston. i loved the fit. it's exactly what i was looking for and trying to describe to john. i love the short jackets with the high arm holes, and the overall tight fit and look. ya i know you're shocked. alan describes it as very mod-looking. he's not a fan of the short jacket because it could looked dated really quick but i've always been a fan of the 60's clothing style. he's going to do something halfway between that and half way between the normal length for my tuxedo jacket. he showed me a bunch of photos from the 20's actually where everything was fitted and slim etc. he's going to try and recreate that look for my tuxedo. he doesn't want to out-right knock off neil's suit. he wants to design a look for me so when i go to a function in a room full of tuxedos, mine will stand out.
 i brought photos of some of neil's tuxes. what i didn't like was the way the suit opens after the button exposing the waist and the shirt. we're going to eliminate that. he is really a designer not a tailor. he has tailors that work for him and he designs clothes for his clients.
we talked a lot about what i like and what i don't like in general about clothes and how they "interact" with my body. he asked how i normally like to wear my clothes. he asked if i like to wear my pants at the hip like the diesel jeans i was wearing (pictured below). i got all giddy at the thought of actually having pants that fit me like my diesels did. it was like being on a stylist's shrink sofa. we talked about the parts of my body that were lost in most clothes and the parts that should be highlighted etc. he said, "if you like that fit we can make the tux pants low rise so your butt isn't lost." i hate it when my butt gets lost don't you? hee.
i spent a good 90 minutes with him talking about clothes. i thought to myself i bet john would loved to have been here. i ended up ordering a tuxedo and six shirts. he's going to design a white "buttonless" look for the shirt and we haven't decided whether to go with a small bow tie or a standard bow tie. i have a small neck (which i hate) and he noted. (i knew i wasn't crazy when i'd go off about how i hated my neck and people were like, "your neck is fine you crazy person!")
i also ordered 5 other shirts to please my boss. like i said i'm more comfortable in clothes that fit me, which is why i don't wear collared shirts to work. right now i've sidestepped the dress code with american eagle polo shirts and american apparell soft-collared short sleeved shirts. the whole trip which i put on my tivo mastercard cost me about $2100.00 which isn't bad for a tuxedo and six custom fitted shirts. so much for paying off my debt. but like he noted, it's an investment.
 after i met with him i was trying to kill time because marc couldn't go to the gym until 7:30pm so i went tanning. the guy at the parlor i usually go to noted he hadn't seen me in a long time. as it turns out i haven't been in over 2 years. i guess with all the skin cancer business i didn't really feel comfortable in a tanning booth. i'm just beyond white at this point so i had to do something with the exception of going out in the natural sun. tanning booths aren't great but they're safer than the natural sun so i took my chances. i wore my tighty whities and asked him to give me the max because i'm portuguese. lol. oops. i'm a little red today but i look so much healthier and i have a nice white bum. haha.
i didn't take any melatonin last night so i wasn't all that tired and ended up watching like four episodes of the oblongs and a few foster's home for imaginary friends, two of my new favorite shows. haha. jean smart does the voice of the mother on the oblongs and she's always drunk. will farrell does the voice of the dad. this show came out forever ago and i was totally out of the loop. it's so funny. to cover up the his addiction to video games, the 11 year old son asks his dad for quarters because he lost a palimony suit. hee. the humor is just adult but warped. the whole family is freakishly deformed, the dad has no arms or legs, the mother is always trashed and has no hair but wears this fantastic blonde wig, the teenaged sons are conjoined and the youngest daughter has what looks like a penis growing out of her forehead. it's very edward gorey-light. fun fun for all the insomniacs out there.
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Comments: Read 36 or Add Your Own.
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| Subject: | "i spent most of the day on saturday shopping for a tuxedo for my sister's wedding." |
| Time: | 10:26 am. |
| Mood: |  awake. | | Music: | Peter Nashel - "You're Not Coming With Me?". |
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so i was supposed to have a date with tim on friday night but i canceled at the last second. i was just in a lousy mood and i didn't want to be around anyone so i went to the gym and called it an early night. he wasn't in the best mood either so i didn't think it would be a good idea to hang out. i put my phone on vibrate and totally missed a drunken call from kayla, her sister and her friends. they wanted me to meet them out at match. i wish i had received that call, drunk girls are fun!
i spent most of the day on saturday shopping for a tuxedo for my sister's wedding. john and i literally went to about 15 stores, shops and boutiques and couldn't find anything. no one had anything smaller than a 38 regular and unfortunately i'm a lot smaller than people think i am. one guy in particular was all, "let me see a 38 or 40 on you" and i'm all, "i'm a 36 short." and he's all, "no way, let me see you in the 38." and he was like "oh, you're right. you're drowning in this suit." i have a small waist but my arms are big so people assume i'm that big i guess. i'm like, "dude i told you, i've got a 28 waist, a 36 chest, and i'm only 144 pounds and my shoulders aren't that broad." i also specifically was looking for a suit with classic clean lines, tailored to my body right up to the arm pit. i want stick legs etc. i just want it very fitted. i know surprise surprise, but i already have a suit that's been tailored for me but my shoulders still look way too large.
 he suggested i have a tailor make me a suit. he gave me the name of a good tailor so i'll try to get in to see him this week otherwise i think i'm going to have to take a day off work this week and go to new york to find something. he's guessing it will cost me about $2000.00 which i will just put on my mastercard; so much for being debt-free. i also have a friend who's a personal stylist in chicago for neimens. he's going to try and find something and slip it in a bag to boston when he's in town to meet a client later this week. so ya, boston is apparently known as fat-city, they don't generally stock suits that small. i want to buy a tux because i'd like to start going to some of these charities, benefits and gay balls (hehe) i keep getting invited too. maybe i'll meet someone with simliar interests if i check out a charity function for something i believe in.
anywho, to top off the lousy day i lost one of the $275.00 custom shirts i had made a few years ago. i brought it with me to try on (if needed) but i never got to that point because none of the shops had anything smaller than a 38. all the stores were closed by the time i realized so i couldn't even go back and check and i can't for the life of me remember where i left the bag with the shirt inside. grr. i'll have to call them all today and hope someone found it. my full name is stitched on the inside but unfortunately i'm not in the phone book.
i asked john to be my date for the wedding but he doesn't think he can get the time off since his first week on the job is next weekend. uggg. i don't know who else to ask. i do not want to go to my sister's wedding stag, anyone know any local hotties who want a free meal and a night of dancing in the sticks? i'm tired of flirting with guys lately and getting rejected. no one takes me seriously and every guy i ask out seems to think they're not good enough, not thin enough, or not buff enough for me. i think i'll etch that on my tombstone: "his abs were too tight, his arms and heart were too big. he wouldn't sleep around. so he died alone." lol.
so speaking of death, i've been having a series of terrible nightmares lately since i've been taking melatonin at night. i think going to the gym every day is throwing off my sleep schedule off because i'm not like stressed or anything lately. i'm pretty content but when 11:45pm rolls around i can't seem to go to sleep. i'm still wide awake. so i've been taking the melatonin which is supposedly a natural chemical your body releases anyway to make you sleep. the extra kick puts me out but it also makes me have really hardcore vivid nightmares about real people in my real life and it's starting to freak me out. i wake up in the morning feeling doomed or really melancholy because every dream is always about death, or my friends or family are in some kind of danger. thankfully the physical jolt i get from riding my bike to work in the morning usually turns my mood around but it's been raining lately so i haven't had that. fortunatley i'm usually deliriously happy by the time i'm finished with my workout but as i said, i'm so alert i can't sleep.
so last night's nightmare was in my old apartment, they never seem to take place in my current condo, it's always some place i've been in the past. some people were holding us hostage. i was locked in my old bedroom alone and they took my phone and i thought about pretending to have to go to the bathroom so i could bang on this window that used to lead up to the sidewalk from our old shower (which was under the sidewalk believe it or not. lol.) but then i thought the bathroom door doesn't have a lock so they could get in and shoot me. i actually imagined getting shot and it freaked me out and then i thought, "okay i'm only imagining what could happen, i haven't tried to escape yet." then i thought, "ok, can i get out the bedroom window and climb the fence into the neighbors yard." so i imagined that and they had me trapped as i banged on the guy's door and they ended up shooting me in the neighbor's yard. again, it was only a dream within-a-dream. i was still in my room trying to think of a way out. so at this point i was kinda freaking out like, "oh god what if they hurt joel or kayla...and madey or courtney or marc or alan and even my brother peter was there with my sister as well. i haven't talked to madey, my former coworker in over a year, it was strange she was in the dream. i could hear them but they wouldn't let me see them. i kept freaking out trying to figure out how many guys there were. what was i going to do? how would i get out of this? but i kept feeling like there was no way out. there really was no way out. i didn't care if i died but i wanted to at least save everyone in the process and i had that helpless feeling you get when you really have no control over the situation. i eventually woke up soaked around 5:30 in the morning. strangely enough about 8 weeks ago i had a vivid dream that my coworker was pregnant and she told me last week she just found out she was. i hope this doesn't mean i'm going to be involved in some kind of hostage situation.
so on sunday we had this wild wind/thunderstorm with lots of lightening outside. i could hear the hvac system shifting as the building swayed. i had my stupid phone on vibrate so i missed stephen's call to go and see a movie. he wants to see that new lindsay lohan crap fest with me cuz he likes those kinds of movies. we've been trying to go on a date for like years and it never seems happen. he kinda scares me a little bit though. he's just so confident. i don't like overly confident people, they kinda freak me out a little. i always feel a little insecure for some reason.
the only thing i did on sunday was watch some tivo and go to the gym. i went to the gym where i ran into this guy who sent me a message like 3 months ago on some body building website i had a profile on but i haven't been back since. in fact i thought i canceled it because i've canceled almost all of the profiles i've had. it's just a waste of time. i'm going to cancel friendster next i just want to email a few friends first to get their email address'. so anyway, when i saw this guy at the gym i thought, "hey i wonder if he ever wrote me back after i responded to his e-mail." we basically both said in our first e-mail exchanges that we both thought the other had really kicked it up a notch at the gym and 'way to go'. etc. so when i was watching tv, i got an e-mail saying i had a new e-mail on that site. so as it turns out he did write me back but i must have lost the e-mail in one of the many e-mail failures i've had with my current isp. he was sending me another one saying, "i'm not stalking you really, but we should hang out some time and compare lifting notes." he also said he liked my gym clothes and wanted to know where i got them." interestingly enough i always thought he looked cute in his graphic t-shirts. i was just wearing my new superman blue track sweats with the white stripe down the side, they match my shoes and i happened to be wearing one of those new 50/50 american apparel t-shirts. not quite superman blue though. he said, "blue was my color." haha. i wrote him back with my e-mail address and closed down the profile on that site as well. i'd love to totally pick his brain because he has really strong legs and that's my weakness i want to know what he does.
so what else? umm. i shaved my balls and ass, went food shopping, ate some pineapple, did 4 loads of laundry and made a barbeque chicken sandwich with that new deli meat that tastes like buffalo chicken. mmm. good. then i talked to my online-friend adam who was all flirting with me now that he's moving to new york on friday. lol. why is it the guys i always think are mad cute never say anything to me cuz they don't like the way they look and couldn't possibly understand why i would like them? so they don't say anything and we both lose out. so hearing that got me really horny so i watched desperate housewives, jerked off and went to bed. lol.
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Comments: Read 30 or Add Your Own.
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| Subject: | "i saw that guy who i tried to wink at who was staring at me last night." |
| Time: | 9:23 am. |
| Mood: |  bouncy. | | Music: | Michael Giacchino - "Evacuation". |
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the sun is still out. yay! it's amazing how alert and functional you feel when you get some kind of physical activity before work. i feel like i could take three ninjas in a street fight right now!
so marc bailed on the gym last night because his wife was in town so i went stag because kyle was watching his team play soccer since he sprained his ankle. i put in my second leg/butt workout of the week because swim suit season is coming and i don't want everyone to say pins are like sticks. haha. the leg machines at this new gym are so much better than the old gym.
anywho, after my workout i always spend 30 minutes on the elliptical machine. so as i'm finishing up i saw that guy who i tried to wink at who was staring at me last night. he was literally just standing there watching me walk up to get some paper towels and he started to motion towards me. then he saw i was getting paper towels to clean the machine so he backed up thinking i didn't see him. so i clean the machine then i walk towards him to go to the fountain and he sorta follows me with his eyes and then turns completely around to face me because i'm now at the fountain. he motions towards me and something in me kinda freaked. i don't know why but i didn't want to talk to him so as he was walking towards me i sorta walked the other way, all the while screaming in my head, "what are you doing? go back! turn around you idiot!" doh.
so when i left i could see him get on one of the treadmills that were available this whole time so he must have totally been standing there because he realized i was indeed interested in him the day before. some other guy had gone up to him on the machine as i was walking by so he couldn't at least wave through the glass. i'm such a chicken. haha. as i was walking home i realized i think i'd rather have a crush on the guy because i already have enough on my plate at the moment and it's easier to crush on a guy. i get the same bubbly high without having to worry that he'll say or do the wrong thing. haha. ok i know that's lame. but whatever.
after the gym, i ran straight to joel's for dinner. i helped his "straight" neighbor inside because he was carrying all this stuff. i thought to myself, "could this guy be any more obviously checking me out" as his eyes followed me as i crossed the street towards him. then i realized we were walking towards the same building so i offered to get the door for him where he said, "thanks bro." for some reason i also find that butch-speak extremely hot. so i told joel about it and he said, "oh that guy, ya, i feel sorry for his wife." doh.
so boy-craziness aside we watched a double dose of family guy and lost. omg family guy lampooned both panic room and poltergeist in the last two weeks. hee. we quickly switched over to american idol to see elliot go home. uggg. i know/knew taylor would win this thing but he's not going to be selling any records that's for sure. lost was as usual fantastic. thank god syiad is the only one paying attention, could michael seem any more guilty? the finale looks like it's going to be fantastic!
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Comments: Read 27 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, May 17th, 2006
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| Subject: | "the sun is out! the sun is out! the sun is out!" |
| Time: | 9:07 am. |
| Mood: | bouncy. | | Music: | Robots in Disguise - "Cycle Song". |
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 the sun is out! the sun is out! the sun is out! the sun is out! the sun is out! the sun is out! the sun is out! the sun is out! the sun is out! the sun is out! omg did i mention the sun is out!? it's been raining for like 10 days and it's finally stopped. finally! i'm a product of my environment, i feed off the environment. put me in a room full of old ladies and i'll start to go through menopause. so when it rains i feel sad sad sad but it's finally over. i woke up and bounced out of bed into the shower and bounced on my bike (and forgot my belt) to work with the sun on my face. yay! the sun is out! the sun is out! the sun is out!
so last night i went to the gym alone since kyle sprained his ankle playing soccer last week (poor turtle. *tear*) and marc forgot to pay his gym membership. i felt like a jolly fool on the elliptical machine. i'm not sure if it's the physical activity or some really grew new music on my ipod but i was just bouncing along on machine all smiles. so pumping my little legs along smiling and everyone keeps smiling at me cuz they think i'm smiling at them. hahaha. i guess i should smile more. haa. this one really cute guy who i could tell was sorta gothy cuz even in his gym clothes he didn't take off his black jellies kept looking in the mirror at me and i was all smiles and laughing like a tool and he just kept looking. i tried my best to wink at him but he could only see one side of me so i'm not sure he knew i was winking. at one point i was so distracted i almost fell off the machine. oops.
after the gym i went to tim's to try and cheer him up cuz he got some bad news this week. i brought the family guy stewie movie and it had the wrong disc inside. grrr. i don't think the upside of anger would have done the trick. hee. so we watched house. love the dr. house. i jokingly said house reminded me of tim. you know lovable yet cranky without the limp or the vacadin addiction. haha. he kept laughing at all the house-isms saying, "i'm so not like that". i was all, "uh-huh". haa.
we played uno for a wager cuz you know i love to play to win valuable prizes and i need the motivation. so i quickly beat him and won a date to see the new lindsay lohan movie no one will see with me. hee. i was this close to winning a home cooked italian meal with real home made pasta by a real italian but we had to call it a draw (even though i had less cards) cuz it was getting late. i didn't get into bed until 1:00am last night.
i have to go now, kayla and i are going to take a dance class together. we can't decide, i've always wanted to ball room dance but the idea of throwing her all over the room sounds fun too. i do know i don't want to line or square dance. *gag* something latin maybe.
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Comments: Read 53 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, May 10th, 2006
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| Subject: | "you fit in because you fulfill a special function that others can't." |
| Time: | 9:25 am. |
| Music: | Shiny Toy Guns - "When They Came For Us". |
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so yesterday was one of those days where you know you wake up sad and in a terrible mood and the world seems to react to that and makes things worse.
it started out pleasantly enough, i rode my bike to work before this five day, yes five day rain spell we were about to receive. as soon as i got into work (30 minutes early) clients on the phone and salespeople were getting on my nerves. i told kayla when i went to get my lunch that i hoped someone tried to start a fight with me because i was ready to punch someone in the head...then tim was all annoyed with me because i had a conversation with his ex-roommate who happens to live in my building. the conversation went something like this:
ex-roommate: tim's a jerk, watch your back. he'll destroy you if you wrong him.
me: no sir. you're mistaken. i don't want to talk about this it's not my business.
ex-roommate: no, i'm not mistaken, you'll see.
so i told tim and he was all livid i even spoke to the guy. i'm like it's not like i'm friends with the dude. i told him i didn't want to talk about it etc. he just kept acting bitchy even though he said he was over it. blah blah blah. ya, i'm over it too. i didn't just jump out a pit of drama to jump in another one. if one guy more guy makes me feel guilty for anything i swear i'll push them down a well!
guys i'd like to get to know better:
michael
tim
marc
that cute guy who smiles at me at the gym and waves at me through the glass once i'm outside
so when i was going home in the rain without an umbrella i was thinking about marc and thought "wouldn't it be cute if i ran into him on the subway because it's happened once before" and not even 45 seconds later i walk up the platform stairs (ala that scene in cruel intentions at the airport) and there he is all shiny and new (and cute) in his little puma outfit. sigh. so i ask him if we're still on for the gym and he says, "no because it's raining!" lol. okay. random aside, did you know he calls me 'lunchbox' in portuguese because i carry a lunchbox on occassion. apparently i'm known amongst his friends and the community as lunchbox boy. *eye roll*
fine. so as we were about to part ways i hear the bus coming so i start running up the escalator stairs to the street and right as i'm passing this one guy he sticks his elbow out in front of me to light a cigarette. of course his elbow gets caught no my back-pack. i keep going. once i get up there i notice the bus is going the other way. grrr. i say, goodbye to marc as he darts home in the rain.
so as i'm standing there and this dude comes up to me and is all, "excuse me. can i talk to you asshole?" i'm all, "what?" as i clutch my ipod in outrage and fear it will be damaged when i unleash holy hell on this guy. my first thought was, "okay i can see where this is going. i knew i should have gotten that ipod warranty!" anywho, he says, "how dare you elbow me!" i was like, "WHAT?!" because he elbowed himself when he stuck his elbow in my face when he was lighting up illegally in the subway terminal. grrr. he kept saying, "i want to talk to you over here." i was like, "i'm not going anywhere with you." he was all, "fucking faggot." blowing smoke all over the place. i swear to god it took all the strength i had no to beat the piss out of this piece of trash but i was afraid i'd damage my brand new video ipod. it was so strange, everyone was just standing around. when the bus finally came i got on, as did he, then he got off at the homeless stop. douche.
when i got home i sorta lingered a bit to eat some cake. yes cake. i had a bad day. then i felt guilty so i decided to go do the elliptical at the gym alone (echo). by the time i got a block from the gym, my sweats were like a sponge and looking heavy, which made my dick stick out which made me uncomfortable cuz they kept clinging to my body. grrr. i was like, "fine i can live with this as long as my feet stay dry." yup, you guessed it, not even 20 feet from the gym i stepped right off the curb into a puddle that consumed my whole foot because some guy smiled at me. grrr. my new superman-blue pumas are practically made of foam and some kinda of porous material so i might as well have been wearing sponges on my feet. haha. i was like, "fuck. great. fuck."
i squished my way through my tour of duty on the elliptical machine and became increasingly self conscious because you could clearly seem my dick bobbing all over the place in my sweats because they were so wet. then i got all paranoid that i would start to get hard because of all the movement down there. so i was like, "okay think about baseball cuz that's what they say. mmmm. baseball players. hot. ok no baseball! think about old ladies, think about old ladies!" i distracted myself by watching last week's alias on my ipod and noticed some girl totally checking out my package. ignored her, watched alias. another blood bath.
 i squished my way home and peeled off my soaked gym clothes and crashed on my leather sofa in my boxer briefs long enough to eat half a bag of doritos (ya i was on a roll) and watch the season finale of veronica mars. fan. tas. tic. if you've never seen this show, go buy season one, you'll fall in love. top 5 show of my lifetime. season 2 comes out in a month or so. whatever you do, don't read spoilers, so many twists. last night's episode was great. i was saying, "no! no way! oh my god! get out! no!" over and over the last 30 minutes. better than 24!
i talked to marc and tim (different tim) online until i went to bed around 11:30pm. i did not want to get up today. i slept really well and had the longest strangest dream about kayla and i working on a project in some kind of gothic architectural school with a dirt floor and really high ceilings. i remember thinking i've been near here before. this place is like the place where dennis was killed by zombies in my dream from a few weeks ago. anywho, the project was full of darkness and gloom. i loved it. it was very gothic but she was doing most of the work because i kept having to go to the gym. lol. i kept saying, "kayla you're doing all the work, they're going to find out. she was like don't worry about it. you need to go to the gym!!" lol. for some reason i woke up today happy and rested despite day two of the rain.
todays horoscope: "you fit in because you fulfill a special function that others can't." kayla says that sounds terrible but it actually made me smile because all day yesterday i kept thinking, what is my fucking purpose in this lifetime? because it seems like it's to meet guys who want to make me feel guilty, manipulate me, hurt my feelings and treat me like shit because they want to feel better about themselves. i guess that's the function i bring to society: "hang out with gary! he'll build up your self esteem and give you all of his glow/energy and you can cast him aside like an emotional vampire."
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Comments: Read 76 or Add Your Own.
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| Subject: | 157 things you may or may not want to know about me! |
| Time: | 9:10 am. |
| Music: | Nick Lachey - "What's Left of Me". |
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for the last three years i've made a list of random things about myself that you may or may not want to know. i usually add 50 new things to the list each year. so for your enjoyment here is a list of 157 random things about myself...if you've read the previous lists you might want to check it out the previous 101 things because i've modified and added more details to some of the previous entries, otherwise scroll down to 102 and go from there.
1. when i was a kid i would often dream of faking my own death. i wondered what it would be like to go to my own funeral and see if anyone really did give a dam about me. i'd even go so far as to dream of what it would be like to come back after 25 years and extract some sort of revenge on the people that made my life a living hell growing up.
2. a random closeted gay kid with ms calls me on the phone every few weeks to talk. some how he got my phone number after seeing my website. he just calls to talk because he doesn't know anyone else like him (ie gay). he can't even say the word.
3. i love rollercoasters. when i go to amusement parks i ride them all day long. last summer jared and i spent the whole day on the superman ride and screamed mommie dearest quotes every time we went down the first incline. we always sat in the last car and screamed, people on the ride thought we were mentally ill.
4. i'm drawn to people with broken souls or people with doomed outlooks on life. i will do everything in my power to cheer them up and/or "fix" them.
5. when i was little i had the biggest crush on joyce dewitt. when she cried in the last episode of three's company i felt dead inside.
6. i've helped four blind people cross the street since i've been living in boston, twice while i was still talking on my cell phone.
7. i always got a "u" in "uses time wisely" on my report card in elementary school. i used to get severe cases of the giggles. i'd spend all day trying to make all the girls laugh. even when the teacher was furiously yelling at me to stop laughing, i'd still be giggling with tears in my eyes unable to stop.
8. my fifth grade teacher was the first african american i'd ever spoken to. she scared the fuck out of me.
9. when i was a young teenager the courts forced us to spend visitation time with my father. he only did things he liked to do and he never really wanted to spend time with us, his mother put him up to it. we'd always end up fishing, which i hated. whenever he'd take us out on his boat, i'd always fantasize about pushing him overboard and driving away.
10. i used to play doctor with a neighbor kid behind the shed in our yard. his older brother found out and always threatened to expose me. i was terrified he'd tell people we were gay, although i didn't know what gay was when i was 10.
11. i have a dr. marlena evans brady black (days of our lives) barbie doll in the original packaging in the back of my closet. it was a gag gift from joel.
12. i had (2) one hundred page photo albums full of stickers when i was in elementary school. i was obsessed with owning every "lisa frank" sticker on the planet. my sister destroyed them all when i was in high school. i could have killed her.
13. when i was 17 i drove my car into a van load of samoans in a snow storm in the mountains. they got out of their car, grunted and got back in and drove away. my car had about $4000.00 worth of damage to it. i told my mom i never wanted to drive again so she'd feel bad and not ground me for life.
14. i was always the funniest kid in class until the fourth grade when i realized i had a crush on this boy named timothy. i became so paranoid people would find out i was afraid to look him in the eye.
15. when i was seventeen my nana hung a sign at the senior center and talked all her friends into letting me mow their lawns. i made a lot of money that summer. it was cool because i'd mow their lawn for 30 minutes and then spend three hours talking to them. most seniors just want someone to talk to. i wish i could vollenteer to do something like that.
16. my family got a cat when i was a very young. i named it "kitty". when it slept in my crib i thought it's tail was seperately alive from it's body because it's body would always be asleep and the tail would still move. i used to walk kitty on a leash (with fake rhinestones on the collar) through the ghetto with my mom when i was young. i took the cat everywhere with me. it was my only friend.
17. my mother had me when she was 17. we lived in the ghetto in malden. i learned to walk on a floor that was sloped. we eventually moved out because the building was condemned and demolished.
18. one of my earliest memories is making gingerbread men in our old kitchen with my mom when i was two. i got to press the m&m's for eyes into each cookie. whenever i smell gingerbread i remember how happy i was.
19. i don't like green candy. subconciously i think it tastes like the leaves of the different fruits that are represented in the bag.
20. i once stole a playgirl from walden books and felt so guilty i threw it in a dumpster on the way home before i could "read" it.
21. i put a semester of my high school best friend's college tuiton on my credit card because she only had two days to pay it or she wouldnt' graduate.
22. my dead nana came to me in my sleep and woke me up a few days after she died. she whispered something in my ear and it almost drove me mad for days because i couldn't remember what it was that she said to me but i knew it would change my life.
23. to this day whenever i do something, i assume my nana is watching over me and i think, would she be proud of this or that decision?
24. i loathe appointed president bush. i mean i physically get upset when i see his smirking face. i think if somenoe assassinated him, i may actually smile.
25. i used to ride on the back of my dad's motorcycle when i was five years old. he would belt me to him and i'd grab onto him as hard as i could. i felt like hot shit riding down the highway as other cars would look out their windows and see how cool i was.
26. i've saved every movie stub from every movie i've ever seen since i was 18. i keep them in an antique box in my media room.
27. i didn't go to my prom. i went to the after party with my only friend in high school, rhonda smith. when she was across the hall drinking with her friends i was in our room watching that puppet sitcom madame eating soft-batch cookies by myself.
28. i didn't have my first drink of alcohol until i was 24 years old. it was a white russian. i got totally trashed on that one drink at the old chaps with ed luciano.
29. i had my first kiss when i was 18 with my first boyfriend frank. we were together for about two years.
30. when i was 8 my childhood best friend michelle bruce peer pressured me into writing a fan letter to olivia newton john. she wrote me back and sent a signed autograph which i hid in my room because i was embarressed by it.
31. i smashed all my match box cars in the street with a rocks when i was a kid. i kept them all in a bucket. my favorite car was this gold buick because my grammy always drove a buick.
32. i secretly blamed my little sister's miscarriage on my little brother because she was going through a really difficult time when he was going through a really difficult time and i felt he was burdening her. i'm over it now but i didn't speak to him for a year. i think i just needed someone tangible to blame for such a senseless tragedy.
33. i use architectural nine's, like this "9". people always ask me what they are.
34. i love to bake. when i was a kid i used to let my brothers and sister help me make whoopie pies. we'd giggle and make the biggest messes with the powdered sugar. we always made extra filling to eat out of the bowl after we made them.
35. i once made a time capsule with a friend as a kid and we put a dead mouse in the capsule. we opened it three months later and we were convinced we may had gotten rabies because we touched all the things that touched the dead mouse.
36. when i was a teenager i used to keep a scrap-book of anything related to the soap opera santa barbara. i kept it hidden under my bed so no one would know about it.
37. i used to tape my favorite shows and make my mom watch them to see if she would laugh at all the parts i thought were funny. i'd always explain why it was funny. i wanted so much for her to like me.
38. my mother was a cold woman. i desperately wanted her affection. she got mad at me one time and said i was just "like my father" a man we all knew was the epitome of evil in her eyes. i think that was the day i began to hate her and myself for many many years.
39. when i came out to my mother she sent me a letter in the mail cutting me out of her life. she explained in explicate detail how i would die of aids, listing all the symptoms in explicate detail. i wanted to die. we didn't speak for almost five years.
40. i've fallen in love with 4 of my best male friends and 1 female friend. i'm still friends with all of the guys but it's not the same.
41. when i worked at this nightclub quest for three months i tried to get one kid to quit smoking, i tried to get one kid off drugs and i tried to get one kid to quit this escort service he worked for.
42. growning up, my mother used to drink alone in her room with the door locked. one time she was drinking when i cracked my head open. i had to pound on the door like a crazy person because she was locked in her room. i could barely see because my eyes were filled with blood from the injury.
43. sometimes i can read peoples thoughts and make them think things and get them to say them. it's beyond creepy. i mean it's not mind control but i just think something to myself and then they say it.
44. i had a severe sleeping disorder when i was a child. i'd wake up in the strangest places, not having any memory of how i got there. i once woke up behind our washing machine, in the shed behind our house, in my neighbors basement and in a closet in our home.
45. when my nana died i was so overcome with tears that i almost slipped on some mud and fell into her open grave. (it was pouring rain.) my uncle caught me.
46. i received a $250.00 scholarship for college from the family of a boy who lost their son in a ski mobile accident.
47. i called my previous boss a "stupid bitch" to her face and told her to take "her job and shove it" when she fired my best friend joel. she told me to take two days off and gave me a raise and a promotion.
48. i was mugged three times in the first three months i lived in the city. they never got any money from me. the first time he had a gun. the second time he had a knife. the third time it was three kids who surrounded me. each time i either faught them off or outsmarted them. i had as little as $3.00 in my pocket one time and as much as $650.00 in my pocket another.
49. my father used to beat us with this club he widdled out of a log on a camping trip. he called it "the fish" and it's tail was the handle. it's body was brunt of force. it was about 12" long by 3" wide and about an inch thick. he used to hide it in the bottom of the towel closet. when my mom threw him out we burned it.
50. i believe in love at first sight and it's happened to me 6 times. (edited)
51. my little brother michael had rage issues when we were kids. i once had to lock him in the basement to stop him from beating up my siblings. he freaked out and put a hammer through the door trying to get out. my mom blamed me. she always blamed me.
52. i kissed my female office assistant on the dance floor at avalon while we were dancing; we never mentioned it the next day.
53. my best friend girl in the 7th grade pretended to write me love letters so i could break up with jen bennett, my 7th grade girlfriend.
54. my boyfriend (at the time) jerked off on camera for my internet stalker and the stalker sent me the pictures to hurt me.
55. a fat girl in the 2nd grade forced me to kiss her on the playground behind the building at school. i hated her but i was afraid she'd kick my ass because she was like 6" taller than me.
56. i'm gay but i occasionally like to kiss girls when i'm drunk because it's different.
 57. i made a new friend last year who innocently brought me a cookie in a bag to a gay bar and gave it to me in front of my (then) boyfriend. it was very random but in a cool way. the boyfriend was not pleased. i still have that cookie frozen in my freezer. if i could press it into a memory book i probably would. i love random shit like that.
58. the weirdest thing anyone has every mailed me from the internet was an autographed program for charles nelson reilly's one man show on broadway. i heart it.
59. i once sent a friend who was depressed flowers anonymously from secret admirer to cheer him up.
60. a caught an internet "friend" who was staying with me writing down my social security number and put it in his luggage. i went into his luggage and took it back and threw it out when he left the room. he then came back and took it back before he left from the trash. when i called him on it days later he said it was because he never wanted to lose touch with me.
61. i've thought about leaving my condo in my will to someone who would never expect to get it but has left a profound impact on my life.
62. my soulmate is married to someone else but i'm honestly happy he is because i'd never be able to make him happy and i'd possibly lose the friendship. this isn't about sex, it's about a connection.
63. i'm not as bitter as i pretend to be sometimes, it's just amusing and i like to make people laugh.
64. i've promised myself that if i don't meet the one by the time i'm 35 i'm going to either find a surrogate or adopt a child, preferably from birth.
65. in high school i secretly jerked off thinking about fucking the guys who made fun of me every day.
66. my mother gave away our dog as a child to a neighbor at the end of the street and told us he went to live on a farm.
67. i used to be a paperboy when i was a kid. i spent all the money on candy.
68. i once rolled over after sex in the morning with my boyfriend and pulled a box of drake's funny bones out of the drawer and ate them in bed. he couldn't stop laughing. what? they're good.
69. i lost my virginity to someone who pretended he had cancer.
70. i have 7 copies of those all about me books from 7 different guys. i've only filled out 3 for other people.
71. the most romantic environment i've ever been in where i didn't have sex was on a train from paris to vienna with "monkey".
72. i've eaten a romantic dinner on top of the eiffel tower.
73. i've loved and lost (by my own hand) and lived to regret it.
74. one of my boyfriends at the time kicked my car door and threatened to out me to my mother because we had a fight and i was trying to leave.
75. i've only had strawberries and whipped cream once and i didn't think it was very romantic.
76. i've always wanted to be a gymnast when i was a kid. i used to do flips and walk-overs down the length of my street for attention.
77. i was totally in love with a neighborhood kid who was friends with me up until middle school. he had a fraternal twin, the twin was evil and hated me. he used to make fun of me in school and the good twin would just sit back in silence, paralyzed to say anything despite the fact that i could tell he wanted to stand up for me.
78. i've only been accepted wholeheartedly into a boyfriend's family once in my lifetime and it was possibly the most secure and validated i've ever felt in a relationship. i long to feel that again.
79. watching an episode of ellen can cheer me up no matter how sad or depressed i am.
80. i own two autographed books: margaret cho's i'm the one that i want and charles shultz's a dark and stormy night with snoopy and the peanuts gang.
81. the first time i went to new york alone i was propositioned for sex the second i left the port authority bus terminal. when i turned him down and said i wasn't a prostitute i asked him if "i looked liked a prostitute." and he said, "yes" because i was wearing a tight tshirt and i was young. apparently those are the only prerequisites.
82. i was once groped in the elevator in my office building by someone i don't know.
83. i once asked someone out i didn't know while they were in line paying for their food at the au bon pain in my office building. everyone in lined cooed and he just blushed. in my defense i was overcome with confidence from a friend and high as a kite on st. johns wart. interestingly enough his name was john (now my best friend).
84. some guy confided in me that their friend spilled a drink on a girlfriend of mine (twice), just so he could talk to me.
85. i have a small scar right below my hairline from the time my neighbor hit me in the forehead with a golf club. i have a 9 inch scar on my leg from the time i fell on my broken donald duck bank when i was a child. i have a small scar on my back from the time i fell out of a tree hitting branches on the way down and landing on a log.
86. i always thought kids my own age were stupid. whenever i went to a family party i'd always hang out with the adults and talk to them while they got drunk.
87. a coworker once sent me an e-mail by mistake trashing me to another coworker. they were conspiring to get me fired. i kept the e-mail and called them on it. they tried to say they were kidding. she eventually quit.
88. my nana always told me i was her favorite in front of my other siblings. *preens*
89. every year i bitch about having to go to the company christmas party and every year i usually have fun. i also say i'm always going to have a date and then i can never find one in time.
90. i've been told by the best kisser i know that i'm the best kisser he knows. the trick is more lip, less tongue. every guy always tells me i'm a great kisser so i've got that going for me.
91. i feel that touching elbows at a movie theatre with someone you have feelings for is more exhilarating than kissing someone you have no chemistry with.
92. i only like ice cream if it's totally filled or covered with stuff.
93. i don't actually have a cake fetish, despite the ongoing jokes and photos to the contrary.
94. i used to have terrible nightmares as a kid that i was being sucked out of my bunkbed from my room and i could hear voices speaking to me through the fan in my bedroom.
95. i had exploratory surgery before my doctors realized i had kidney stones because they thought i had some kind of "gay" disease, despite the fact that i told them i'd never "gone all the way" with a guy.
96. i work about a 13 minute bike ride from my house but it takes me upwards of an hour and a half sometimes to get home via public transportation.
97. my first car seized up on the mass pike because it ran out of oil. a cab slammed on his breaks in the middle of the highway, which didn't have a breakdown lane to pick me up. he said i could go "anywhere" for free as a result and the state would reimburse the cab company. he suggested some place warm.
98. one of my most embarressing moments was walking around my school for 3 periods with a pair of red underwear hanging out of the front of my pants. earlier that morning i grabbed 2 pairs by mistake and stuffed one pair in the front of my pants so i'd remember to put them away when i got back to my room. my hands were full of hair products and a blow dryer and my brother was trying to get into the bathroom so i forgot to remove them. no one told me and i eventually noticed before 3rd period.
99. * this space was intentionally left blank *
100. i took my little brother and sister when they were kids to see dorothy parker and the viscous circle. they were bored and perplexed beyond belief.
101. i used to lay in bed when i was around 10 years old and wonder why i was on this earth. was it a dream or was it real? and if it was real, what was my purpose.
102. i'm not sure there is anyone out there who can truly understand and accept me for who and what i am.
103. when i was a kid, i used the alarm on my remote controlled knight rider car to create mock-fire drills with my little brothers and sister. i think i'd seen one too many of those bugs bunny/daffy duck fire safety commercials, that and i loved climbing out the second story window and climbing down the tree outside my window. hee.
104. i was friends with one of the finalists to be cast on punky brewster as punky. she wasn't all that bitter about it since punky was such a good-two-shoes. she was the first dark friend i had; she always wore converse sneakers and black t-shirts, her name was toni. she was a transfer student from new york. i always thought she was the shit.
105. i haven't spoken to my mother since she voted for george bush for re-election in 2004 and told me she voted for gore. my brother set me straight. it wasn't so much that we'd spent hours talking about politics and she said she agreed with everything i said and voted for him anyway but the fact that i couldn't deal with her lies, big and small any more. i seriously don't know who this woman is because she never lets me, or anyone in.
106. i was the only person in the office who wasn't so thrilled about hiring kiki (kayla), who's now one of my best friends. she was so "fronting" to get the job despite the fact that i was trying to get her to loosen up so i could see if we had anything in common. this was the only time i was glad i'm glad my bosses didn't listen to me.
107. my coworker kayla and i have a secret drinking game about everyone in our office. we're thinking we might unleash it at the company christmas party...or maybe not. hehe.
108. i have more in common (it seems) with my coworker's mother than i do with most of my peers and best friends.
109. when my little brother passed out at my mother's remarriage ceremony i only glanced at him briefly then looked back to the ceremony, which went on uninteruppted and was all caught on film. they just dragged his lifeless body off camera.
110. i was a big brother in the big brother, big sister program for three years. my "little" was eventually taken into custody for locking his handicapped mother in her room for four days.
111. i broke my arm rollerblading when i was trying to dodge a trolley in traffic and i had to rollerblade to the emergency room because i couldn't find anyone to help me.
112. i am a freak about only being photographed from my left side. i have too many cow-licks on the other side of my head and i think i look better from the left. (there that should put that to rest, don't e-mail me thinking you're the only one to notice.)
113. i love the music scores to films. i own over a hundred of them. they're great to rollerblade or bike to. it's like your own mini-soundtrack.
114. i had my first kiss when i was 19 years old from my first boyfriend. we were together for about a year and a half but eventually broke up because he was fiercely jealous of my best friend who unbeknownst to me i was in love with.
115. i first fooled around with a guy in the milner hotel in boston. i didn't do anything i was so freaked out. and i was convinced the people at the desk knew we were going to have sex.
116. i didn't go all the way with a guy until i was 26 (i think) with a guy who eventually became my roommate three years later. it was the only guy i never used protection with until dennis.
117. my ex boyfriend and i fought for a week over this list last year because he didn't think i mentioned him enough, he also conversely got angry when i would mention because he didn't want people knowing his business.
118. i bought dennis a ring last year to ask him to marry me on his birthday but we were fighting so much i decided to just give it to him as a "promise ring". i sometimes wonder where we'd be now if i had just asked him instead of being so insecure about it. our biggest issue was always each person being afraid the other person didn't love them enough.
119. the song that best represents my life at the moment is the cheezy song by nick lachey, "what's left of me". like every lyric fits who i am and where i am perfectly.
120. in the third grade i refused to learn my multiplication tables because my parents were divorcing so the teacher called my parents into school for a conference.
121. the only time i ever free-balled it was when i wore just basketball shorts to the gym and i got an erection on the way home from all the bouncing going on down there. i literally had to hold my boner up to my body for like seven blocks so no one would see, i wasn't very successful.
122. i tried to kill myself twice as a kid and my mother never really noticed. i took poison from my chemistry set marked "fatal if swallowed" and mixed it with some orange juice. the second time i put gasoline on a salad and ate it, both times i just threw up for days and no one ever knew why.
123. an ex boyfriend of mine pretended he tried to kill himself and pretended he was medi-flighted to a hospital in boston and pretended he was on life support, all because i broke up with him. it turned out to be a lie and i didn't discover it until i called his best friend at work and she was like, "what are you talking about, he's in work today. i'm looking at him right now." i told her i never wanted to talk to him again and to pass that along.
124. i kept my last boyfriends toothbrush in my medicine cabinet for six months after we broke up because i really thought we'd work it out and be together some day. i threw it out a few weeks ago.
 125. i've alway wanted to be photographed as a dead merman, sufficating on dry land.
126. i've always wanted to do a series of photos of myself being pretend-dead after fake suicide attempts, ie. bullet to the head, empty bottle of pills surround by broken glass, slashed wrists in a bloody tub, or a photograph of myself drown in a tub (my greatest fear is drowning).
127. i've never ever showered in a locker room in my lifetime.
128. i don't know how long my dick is despite people always asking me. my standard answer is "i don't measure it because i'm not in the 8th grade any more." lol.
129. the first time i jerked off my best friend jerry peterson was in my basement playing video games with my little brothers. i excused myself for some reason and went to my room to jerk off. i didn't know what was happening but he almost walked in on me as i was orgasming. i seriously had no idea what cum was or what had happened but i liked it.
130. in my mid twenties i used to come home from the gym and eat an entire entamann's chocolate cake and my roommate would give me the stink-eye as he was making stir fried veggies and chicken. hee.
131. if i died today my ex boyfriend dennis would still get my condo.
132. i was hit by the short bus on my bicycle and knocked unconcious. a bystander who happened to have the same name as my stalker called my ex boyfriend (of two months) and told him i'd had an accident and to go to boston medical. my ex misunderstood and thought the stalker had tried to kill me. he rushed away from work an hour away to ask me to get back together with him in the hospital. i was so happy something so great came out of something so awful. we had the best sex ever that week. we broke up a few months later.
133. my neighbor once hit me in the face with golf club at full swing. i called his mother a "stupid bitch" when she asked me what happened as i ran off blinded by the blood in my eyes. when i got home my mother was locked in her bedroom drinking as i pounded on the door.
134. my little sister was hit mail truck when she was a kid.
135. my scariest moment was when i thought my sister had been kidnapped. she was actually in the woods with some kids fooling around with some boy who was friends with our other brother. i wanted to beat him senseless.
136. one of my good friends mothers told me i was a natural witch. my mom and my nana and i have always had extra sensory emotions. i can sometimes feel other people's emotions as if i'm experiencing them for myself.
137. i can quote the entire movie mommie dearest with accuracy from beginning to end.
138. my new favorite bands of the moment are ladytron, shiny toy guns and robots in disguise. i can't believe i've never heard of them before last week.
139. i sent my coworker to my hair stylist and he gave her a really awesome cut. it looks a little like early joan jett. she'd look perfect wearing my white skull belt and pumas.
140. i like telling random girl-clerks in clothing stores that i like their hair, outfit, etc. because it makes me happy to see them light up.
141. my old roommate almost got arrested mistakenly for prostitution.
142. someone once offered me $2500.00 to make a jerk off video for him. i turned him down.
143. i always get teary-eyed every year when i get my performance review at work and my boss says nice things about me. i always get teary-eyed when people say nice things about me. i. just. can't. handle. it.
144. my first best friend michelle bruce's mother had an affair and got pregnant so they sold their home and moved away. i was crushed. i only saw her once again after that when the baby was born and i have a photograph.
145. i only weighed 103 pounds when i graduated college.
146. i've only had sex with one guy at a time, ie never any three-ways, orgies for me etc.
147. two different people invited me a sex parties last week, this is the first time anyone has ever asked me that and it happened twice in the same week. i laughed both times and said, "ummm. no."
148. i hate it when strangers come up to me and ask me if i'm "gary jr" from the internet because i feel like such a tool to be revealing so many personal things about myself to total strangers.
 149. i have a 7 inch scar on my right leg from the time i fell on my broken donald duck bank as a kid.
150. i'm only acquaintances with someone i used to be like best friends with and every time i see him i feel sad because we had such a great connection.
151. other than dying alone my greatest fear is drowning. ever since i almost drown as a kid because my mom wouldn't give me one of the 3 floaty rings she had and the undertoe pulled me under. just how many times can one woman scar me for like? i've lost count.
152. my friend ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) starcrosslover named his kitten "gary jr the third" after me. he wants me to send him child kitten support. hehe.
153. i have three gay friends who've married woman to stay in this country.
154. the guy i have a date with tonight offered to do "cheap" body work on dennis' car when it got vandalized when we were dating. i had no idea he actually fancied me at the time but he actually wanted to help him even though he liked me cuz he's just that nice of a guy. awe. i totally heart that.
155. interestingly enough i never found volleyball all that interesting but now i think it's kinda sexy. it might be all the jumping around in loose shorts or the animalist grunting. or it could have something to do with a particular player. i'm not quite sure. hehe.
156. my co-worker's mom always bakes things and gives her two pieces each time, one for kayla and one for me. hehe. she always says, "and he's one for gary." haha.
157. my boss actually told me today that the reason i don't have a boyfriend is because my legs are too white. keep in mind he's a 55 year old straight republican who goes hunting on the weekends. *gets out sun-tan lotion* (hey it can't hurt.) actually the only logic i see in that is that i'll get skin cancer again and all the boys will throw themselves at me when i'm on my deathbed. they don't call me "day late-dollar short" for nothing.
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Comments: Read 117 or Add Your Own.
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| Subject: | "enjoy it because it's like purple sex in a bowl!" |
| Time: | 9:37 am. |
| Mood: |  shocked over lost & alias!. | | Music: | Ladytron - "Destroy Everything You Touch". |
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yay! the sun is finally out today. i'm so happy i could kiss everyone on my friends list. line up!
*puts vasoline intensive care lip balm on*
so for everyone that asked me about the blueberry soup recipe i got it for you. don't say i never did anything for you. joel doesn't write anything down. it's all up there (points to joel's noggin'). enjoy it because it's like purple sex in a bowl! i didn't realize there was so much wine in it. that would explain why kiki and i were so giggly at the office yesterday. we were drunk on blueberry soup!
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Ingredients:
1 cup red wine (strong flavor, like a cabernet)
1 1/2 cups cranberry juice (Ocean Spray etc.)
2/3 cup sugar
2 cinnamon sticks
2 cups blueberries
1 tbls cornstarch
1/2 cup sour cream
1/2 cup light cream
Combine wine, juice sugar and cinnamon sticks in large pan. Bring to a boil and then simmer for 15 minutes, uncovered.
Add the blueberries; do not increase heat. Allow to simmer 5 minutes.
Mix 2 tablespoons water with cornstartch. Slowly add it to the soup, while stirring. Increase heat so that the soup is just boiling and cook 3 minutes.
Remove from heat. Allow to cool 30 - 45 minutes. Remove cinnamon. In a blender, food processor or with a hand blender, puree the soup until smooth.
Add sour cream and cream and stir to blend well.
Refrigerate for at least 3 hours. Keeps for 3 days. Don't push it; the soup will still smell good after the cream has soured, so you will be in for a very unpleasant surprise, if you keep it too long.
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anywho, in other news i finally had time to watch alias.
spoiler alert, spoiler alert for alias & lost
omg. it's soooo good. i'm soooo sad it's going to end soon. only three episodes left. i always knew they'd clone her eventually. are we going to get to see syd duel to the death with her alter ego only to realize in the last show that vaughn has married the double after we think sydney has killed the double. awwwe cliffhanger!! forever!! (ok i hope it doesn't go down like that.) so i read it's official, francinator is back as well for the final 3. woohoo!
and lost wholy shit, i. did. not. see. that. coming. i can't believe michael. turned. bad. and killed two main characters! just like that. bang. bang. bang. ahhhhhhhh. pandemonium? i jumped up off my sofa in my underwear and almost dropped my laptop on the floor i was so shocked.
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Comments: Read 53 or Add Your Own.
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| Subject: | "i always get a little tear-eyed when people say nice things about me." |
| Time: | 10:06 am. |
| Mood: | bouncy. | | Music: | Ladytron - "Nothing to Hide". |
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so i forgot to mention my performance review. it went really well. i was a little worried like i said because everyone has been really grumpy lately and i've been pushing the limits of my wardrobe requirements with colorful puma shoes and matching army/navy & newbury comic belts with skulls on them. hehe. thankfully she had nothing but praise for me. she loves the new website and all of our clients love it and they're all saying great things about it and me. i always get a little tear-eyed when people say nice things about me. it's strange and every year she reviews me i get teary-eyed as does she. haha. the one thing she mentioned as "something to work on" was to be more flexible. when i asked what that means or for examples she couldn't think of anything. lol. she said it's not even a big deal but i guess everyone needs something to strive for. she gave me a 6-1/2% raise which is retroactive from january 1st. yay! the extra check couldn't come at a better time since i had to put a down payment on the big-gay cruise last week.
last night i went to the gym with marc to help him get all pumped up so he won't crush on me any more and some other hot guy will enjoy the fruits of my labor so to speak. his best friend victor crashed our workout because he wanted tips too. it was really hilarious because they are both brazilian and sometimes there is a huge language barrier. when i first took him to the gym with me on saturday i explained the concept of lifting heavier weights less to get more pumped as opposed to lifting a lighter weight a lot more, which would only tone up his already toned body. i said try to lift as much as you can 7 times instead of 10-12 like he's been doing. so when victor came and was doing 15 rep sets, marc was all, "you're only supposed to do 7!" and victor was like, "but i can do more. why?" and he was all, "gary said only do 7!" hahaha. but then i explained to victor he should lift as much weight as he could 7 times, if he can lift it more than 7 times he should increase the weight. marc piped in that he's been wasting all this time just lifting 7, even though he could lift more because he thought it was the 7 part that was important and didn't understand the weight part. hee. ok well it was cute to me that he would just do what i told him, not understanding the concept like it was some kind of magic that would make him big. lol. i giggled so in revenge he said he was going to use the larger version of the photo in my live journal icon as his wallpaper for his myspace profile. *rolls eyes*
so throughout the workout they kept talking to/yelling at each other in portuguese and it was driving me crazy because i know they were talking about me at some points. i kept saying "speaka-english"! at any rate, they kept making me laugh and victor is so funny. he was a huge distraction to marc who is trying to take this bodybuilding thing seriously. at one point, we got on a machine with a lap belt and victor and i had the belt on the same setting yet marc couldn't get the belt to close so victor was calling him fat, saying he "must have an extra rib or something". in his defense marc is sooooo tiny i'm not sure why the belt wouldn't fit. haha. but it was funny watching him struggle to pull the belt on. lol. i'm not sure how but marc only weighs 132 pounds and i weight 142 pounds and i'm 2 inches taller but marc looks so much tinier than me. i told him he probably has a big head/brain or something. he said that was probably it, then he went on to say that in brazil they make fun of the portuguese for being stupid. so apparently my brain isn't big enough. i said i could still beat him up. end of conversation. hee. so ya, all we did was laugh and goof off so it was taking forever. i was 20 minutes into the time i was supposed to be a joel's house before i realized how late i was so i bolted out of there.
joel and i ff-ed through days of our lives (yawn) and american idol (down with taylor, paris and katherine). we watched the office (pam and jim = les sigh) and family guy (lois is a bigot, who knew?) after that. joel didn't have time to make dinner but he gave me a to-go tupperware container of blueberry soup. it's so good. i. can't. even. explain. it. to. you. but if you like blueberries, you'll love blueberry soup. i brought it into the office to share it with kiki. today is hopefully the last day of rain (3rd in a row) and the temperature is supposed to go up 30 degrees tomorrow and be sunny so i can get back on zombie charity before i turn into a lump since i've been eating like crap since sunday's diet of sprees, protein bars and water. hee.
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Comments: Read 40 or Add Your Own.
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| Subject: | "i wasn't sure if we could parlay that into something more, i dunno, sexual." |
| Time: | 9:55 am. |
| Mood: |  zombie-esque. | | Music: | Fannypack - "Nu Nu" (Double J & Hayze Extended Mix). |
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it's so 'miss janet if your nasty' outside today. this is the second day in a row i've had to use public transportation into the office. i hate it! it takes foreeeeeeeeever. i read in the paper yesterday that in 2007 the mbta is practically doubling all of the fares. and for what? the same shitty service? no thanks. it takes me 30 minutes to get up the street, if it wasn't raining it would prolly be quicker to walk.
 it has given me time to catch up on my reading though. there is a really cool article in rolling stone about amanda congdon, the vlog star. does anyone else watch rocketboom? i heart amanda. she's like the female version of the guy i want to end up with. she's sexy and incredible dorky. i guess she used to be a formal model, which makes me giggle because she has the personality of someone who'd probably mock models openly on the air. anywho, if you have tivo you can subscribe to the rocketboom podcasts. they're about 5 minutes a day and plenty amusing and often full of bush-bashing. hehe.
there is also a great cover story written by several historians who agree by a margin of 90/10% on just who is "the worst president ever" any guesses who they came up with? hee. the article is full of facts like this one: "according to the treasury department, the fourty-two presidents who held office between 1789 and 2000 borrowed a combined total of $1.01 trillion from banks and foreign governments. but between 2001 and 2005 alone, the bush white house borrowed $1.05 trillion, more than all of the previous presidencies combined. having inherited the largest federal surplus in american history in 2001, he has turned it into the largest deficit ever - with an even higher deficit, 423 billion, forcast for fiscal year 2006. they go on to discuss just about every area of the presidency comparing him to the worst and he's always on top in each category. who are these people that still support this asshat?
in other news i got a voice mail from michael yesterday. he thanked me for coming out to support the team but he wasn't as cutesy or playful as he normally is. :-/ i didn't have time to call him back last night since i bolted to the gym with kyle as soon as i got home and then i had a date right after that.
my date with tim went well. i watched prison break and 24 with him at his place. he was hooked of course, i didn't realize how complicated the storylines were until i tried to explain what was going on up until this point. he loves jean smart and chloe of course.
i wasn't sure if he was all that into me at first because we've been flirting-friends for so long. i wasn't sure if we could parlay that into something more, i dunno, sexual. at first he was sitting on the sofa opposite me. it wasn't very conducive to snuggling lemme tell you. that g-dam glass coffee table between us was hard and my feet couldn't even reach his feet. haha. he eventually moved over to my sofa citing it was higher and he felt like i was looking down on him. i said, "i've always looked down on you, you're from rhode island." hee. i'm joking! we almost touched feet once but that was about it. i think he's hot but i just wasn't sure what he thought. he's so hard to read. he's one of those people that can throw up blockers and i can't get a read on him. he was incredibly nervous, that's all i could read.
we got to catch up a lot. he's really one of most well-rounded people i've ever met. he has a great job. he's active, he's in crew, he owns his own business on the side. he owns a house in rhode island and a couple of dogs that his mom sits for him because he can't have dogs in his condo in boston.
it was raining when i left so he insisted on driving me home even though i only live like 10 blocks away. as we sat in his car, it was very strange, i really could not tell if he wanted me to kiss him or if he wanted to kiss me. so i leaned in and gave him a quick kiss and dove out of the car. as soon as i got in the elevator he sent me a text message saying, "sorry i was so shy!!" i told him i wasn't sure if he was still into me, and he said was stil VERY interested in me. i told him next time it would probably be a good idea to make physical contact some time during the date. haha. he said that he "wanted to touch me so many times" but "he was a wuss." haha. ok well i'm glad we got that out of the way. phew. next up, date two-boogaloo.
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Comments: Read 36 or Add Your Own.
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| Subject: | "as we were making out we suddenly saw blue lights flashing behind us as a cop pulled up." |
| Time: | 9:55 am. |
| Mood: |  floopy & a little embarrassed. | | Music: | Missy Elliot - "We Run This" (Stick It Edit). |
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i got some really great suggestions for cheesy videos since i posted my accidental shaving video a couple of weeks ago. the biggest suggestion i got was to dance "my ass off" and to be honest that was sort of the last thing i wanted to do because it scared me the most to look like a total tool and make a fool of myself. i can't dance. when i do dance i'm usually throwing around my partner in the air, or dipping them and making it all about the other person because i'm just such a terrible dancer myself. the more i thought about it the more i realized that the purpose of this accidental project was to become more comfortable with myself. so bah, ya i took three videos and deleted one. just dancing was kind of lame though so i put on my rollerblades. unfortunately skating around my dining room table rocking out to music was a little too dangerous so i'm sort of "grooving out" in place on my skates. haha. i'm also wearing my new $5.99 belt (which i heart so much). it has sparklies on it! i'm not sure the light really catches the sparklies though because i really need some curtains. it's so bright in my place that i look as white as, well, i really am. haha. anywho for your viewing pleasure/my humiliation here is me rollerblading in place, which looks a lot like me boxing in place making silly thug-faces. as i first watched the video i thought to myself "omg, i can not post this haha" then i thought "do i really wave my arms around and dance like this?" and "what's with all the bad-ass facial expressions. i hope i don't really look like this when i'm in dah club." haha. but then i thought, you know what? who. the. hell. cares. i do look like i'm having fun. i only almost fell down once taking that 60" round table top with me. hee. if you're interested the song in the background is from the stick it soundtrack. it's called "we run this" by missy elliot. it's the "stick it edit" version from the film which i saw the night before with michael. please "right mouse click' and then "save target as" so it doesn't use up all my bandwidth.
so ya michael and i went out "as friends" on friday night. it didn't really take long for that to go down in flames. haha. i first realized this probably wasn't going to work out when he impulsively put his hand on my leg as he was driving us to the theater. i sort of gave him a smirk and he was all, "oh. ya. umm. just friends. right. i forgot." as we both laughed. we couldn't find parking so we just parked in the garage. as we were speeding walking to the movie he asked me if i noticed that hot guy "totally checking me out." i said i hadn't and he said not to worry because he gave him a dirty look or something to that affect so he'd back off. i not-so-innocently said, "hey if you don't wanna date me cuz you're not ready don't go scaring off my prospects." haha. oh snap. omg did i just say snap?
i don't think we made it through the movie trivia before our arms were all tangled up and we were kissing passionately. i felt a little like a teenager; i don't think i've ever made out in the movie theater before. lol. we held hands and i carrassed his arms pretty much through the whole movie. the movie by the way was really fun in a bring it on-eque way. nothing new here but it was entertaining with lots of cute dialogue etc. there was this one asian girl in particular that michael loved. i think at one point he yelled out something in jubulation to the girl on screen which amused the 99.9% female audience, as well as myself. the strange thing is i normally would be embarrassed by something like that but i totally thought it was charmingly doofy.
after the film he had to drive me home because it was already around midnight and he had to be up at work at 5:00am. as we tried to navigate our way out of chinatown he sang the dance version of "don't cry for me argentina" as loud as he could with the windows rolled down. normally when i hear people i know sing i get all embarrassed for them and for me. i'm not sure why. but for some strange reason i thought it was so dam cute. i mean he could make just about anything cute because he's just so energized and dorky. i totally heart that. when we stopped at a red light i impulsively kissed him with so much energy i almost bit his lip. haha. hey he wasn't complaining.
as we pulled up to my condo he got a space right in front and we sorta looked at each other awkwardly while we thanked each other for a good time. as i leaned in for a good night kiss, he pulled me passionately into a lip lock, using both his hands to caress my face/hold my lips to his. then i moved my body to put my hands on his face and passionately kissed him in return. i was practically ready to climb on his lap. i guess i've had a lot of pent-up passion to unload on someone and he's the first person i've really been into since well you know who. as we were making out we suddently saw blue lights flashing behind us as a cop car pulled up right along side of us. i lunged off of him and we both looked at each other like "oh shit we've been busted for making out in a car!" it turns out he was just pulling a u-turn to bust some drunk guy across the street. we both laughed. as we began to kiss again i could feel my jeans getting a lot tighter. haha. i didn't want to stop but like i said, he had to work so i said, "i'll talk to you tomorrow?" and he said, "definitely, i'll try to call you either between work and the gym or the gym and softball or after." as i sat back preparing to jump out of the car i said, "i think i like it better when we're just friends!" and he said, "what?" kinda sad-like and i said, "oh no no. i meant because we were both all pining for our ex boyfriends we didn't get to make out like this." and we both laughed. as i started to get out of the car i realized my jeans were totally bulging in front. it's been a long time since i've gotten this worked up over a guy so it's a good thing i wasn't wearing sweat pants or anything. haha. i sorta darted to my front door as a realized his eyes were crotch level with me as i stood up outside the car. i'm pretty sure i gave him more than a pornographic eye full. lol.
on sunday i went to see kyle and michael play volleyball in the "tourrrrrnnnneeeeeeeyment" (in lucy lui voice from charlies angels duh). their team "the fighting cocks" won! i even wore my "big peckers" t-shirt in support. all the other teams were openly rooting for anyone to beat their team. i was like the only person supporting them on the sidelines. i clapped as loud as i could but i didn't yell out anything as the other players were openly supporting any other team against them in the finals. but when it was all said and done and they won, i was like, "umm, in your faces bitches." haha. they were just so rude. i mean even i clapped (although not as loudly) when the other team made a good play. at one point they were whispering amongst each other because they knew i was listening. haha.
things were weird with michael all day, i sorta felt like i shouldn't be there at one point. i think he got caught up in the moment on friday and now he's having reservations about what happened between us. i know he's not ready a relationship or anything serious but i sorta felt a little confused. at one point he called kyle and i into the auditorium in the dark and played the piano. it was very sweet. kyle left after like 2 seconds and i sat there watching him in the dark play a medley of pretty sad poignent songs. he started to get sniffly at one point and i wasn't sure if he was getting weepy or it was allergies. the only light that shown through the doorway was right on his eyes as he played. i can't tell you how badly i wanted to just climb over the piano and kiss and hold him. he's really a total package, it's a shame he's so emotionally unavailable. i really could use the distraction myself. i guess i'm going to have to look elsewhere. the last thing i want to do is go into another relationship where the boundries aren't spelled out. i do not want to go back to that place any time soon. so if i got anything out of my relationship with michael it's the fact that i realized i'm ready to move on from dennis. i don't think about him when i'm with or kissing dennis like i have in the past with previous guys. i think i've really put it to rest and i'm ready to start slooooooooooowly again with someone else.
anywho, today is kayla's burfday! so we got some cake for her and i made this really cute card. you see i make the office cards. well i buy a card and then i "modify" it with actual photos of people in the office, sometimes changing the verbiage on the inside etc. i have this great photo of kayla sticking her tongue out to her chin that i put on the little girl on the front of the card. you see the girl in the card is in a flowery dress swinging on some vines covered in roses, the whole card is so girly and then you have kiki's face on her body with her big ass freak tongue sticking out. everyone in the office that signed the card was rolling. haha.
today is also our performance review. susan the vp is doing both of the reviews. i'm a little nervous. the only complaint they had last year was the fact that i was wearing designer jeans. i've changed my dress code except for the belts and the pumas. like i was telling tom last night, these days it seems like the only part of my life i have control over is my belt choice. i'm a slave to my office. my romantic life is in total disaray. my family isn't really talking to me. but the belt, the belt i can choose each day. so what if i want to wear a white belt to work, they match my white shoes so where is the harm in adding a touch of style to a blade shirt and collar? ya so what if one of them has studs and skulls on it. no one can see me because i'm in the back office all day. it's not like i actually have any contact at all with anyone outside of our showroom. oh well we'll see *fingers crossed*
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Comments: Read 129 or Add Your Own.
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| Subject: | "i added some sweet to his bitter and now he feels like lemonade." |
| Time: | 9:45 am. |
| Mood: | bouncy & a little floopy. | | Music: | Robots in Disguise - "La Nuit". |
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omg i'm in such a good mood today! thanks to a few of my internet/special friends, hehe, i asked a handful of people last night to give me a list of their favorite singles of the moment that are "upbeat, kinda new wavy, or girl-groupish, or angry-teenager, alternative, electronicy but more importantly bouncy". i came up with a list of 35 songs via listening to the samples on itunes and i added a few tracks of my own. it's very diverse and bouncy, which is exactly what i wanted. yay. we're only 4 songs into the mix and kayla keeps saying "oh. my. god. i love this song." and i'm all "me too!" haaa.
ok before i tool out, i also wanted to say thanks for the posts some people made in that doofy yet boy crazy entry i made last night. so lets see what else? i only half-watched the oc prom last night. i'm gonna rewatch it tonight, i still didn't have time for alias. this weekend! i went to the gym by myself last night and i got a late start and kyle was being molested by a 20 year old at the r-rated hynotist. i was also talking some random guy online. he said he spent the last hour looking at my profile and reading all about me. he was impressed enough to send me an email. he added he was a lost soul who had a jaded outlook on life at the moment. he was looking for a friend, someone to make him think diffrently about the world. he thought maybe i could help. lol. well you know i love a challenge. long story short, he got dumped after four years so i added some sweet to his bitter and now he feels like lemonade. yay! hehe.
so anywho i got kiki to go to my stylist at l'atelier on newbury street last night. she got a really good cut. very joan jett, new wavy, the only thing she's missing is a white belt but that's cool cuz i'm wearing my welt belt, my NEWWWWW white belt with studs and little skulls. i was feeling rebellious today so i'm also wearing my diesel jeans. hey it's friday, "the man" can deal with it especially since everyone on our floor is in jeans but our showroom. grumble. anywho, i hope everyone has a fantastical friday and an even better weekend! yaaaaaaaaaa! *does peanut dance with my nose in the air on my tippy toes*
ps. everyone download this song "la nuit" by robots in disguise. it's like the best song of the moment in my simple mind. if you know of more songs that sound like this drop me a post! this is bouncy!
pps i'm looking for a new army since you can never get enough new blood any takers? haha.
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Comments: Read 33 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, April 27th, 2006
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| Subject: | "i wanted to throw the bread down on the table and fuck it it was so good." |
| Time: | 9:57 am. |
| Mood: | chipper. | | Music: | Moby - "Hymn" (Menacing Mix). |
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lol. well i slept really well last night but i didn't want to get out of bed today. i got ready for work in 15 minutes which is still less than the time it takes kyle to get changed into his work-out clothes as the gym. of course i also showered and did my hair. i wonder what time kyle has to get up in the morning to get to work on time? maybe he brings a hair and make-up crew to do him up in the car. hmmm. hee.
so last night i blew off the gym and chatted a little with this guy marcus on-line. he's soooo-ooooo-oooo cute. anywho, where was i? ummm. i forget. oh oh. i went over joels last night for dinner. he made salmon. it always tastes soooooo much better than a restaraunt. we also had a side of brocolli, which i devoured first. you see he usually yells at me for eating everything but the brocolli. i mean i love brocolli but the salmon is usually so good i eat all that and i don't want to get full because he usually make some kind of homemade dessert like apple pie or some random ice cream flavor or both. joel loves to cook. anywho, we didn't have rolls this time but he had this french bread which was so soft and delicious i was absolutely in love with this bread. seriously i wanted to throw the bread down on the table and fuck it it was so good. like the best bread i've ever had in my lifetime. seriously. the bread. was. so. good. mmmm. bread.
 anywho, we watched days which i usually can finish in 10 minutes because i fast forward through the whole thing. it's just not fun any more. it's boring. it was torture to get through it so we just talked and got caught up. after that we watched the family guy i missed because dennis and i were ending our relationship while it was on in the background. doh. stewie does good drag. omg those shoes. and the lipstick. hehehehe. we still had time to kill so we watched kathy griffin's allegedly. i can't wait for her new special to come out, she's like the new margoret cho. she's just so funny. after all that we settled into idol, as expected pickles got the boot (finally). joel speculated that her whole air-head routine was just that: a sham. did anyone notice the beauty queen kiss she gave paris when they were both in the bottom two (and why were they so far apart)? simon addressed the whole mock-fued between paula and ryan. i guess they were rumored to be not-speaking. lol. it's always something with paula. *eye roll* i guess they're, and i quote, just a happy disfunctional family. hmmm. after idol was over i jumped up to leave because i was so tired and he was all, "you're leaving already?" and i paused long enough to see jin with his shirt off on lost and said, "yes i only got 3 hours of sleep last night." lol.
i couldn't watch alias because i was just busted-out tired so don't ruin it for me. i tried to have a conversation with marcus while i watched ellen but i was fading fast so he logged off and i went to bed after having a brief conversation with some guy i met at the gym. can you tell i'm boy crazy? it doesn't hurt to flirt i guess but i'm not really all that interested in dating for some reason. i just like to flirt. lol.
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Comments: Read 65 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, April 25th, 2006
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| Subject: | "The rage, the debilitating strain & the terrifying descent into alcoholism & child abuse..." |
| Time: | 10:04 am. |
| Mood: | jubilant. | | Music: | DJ Dena - "Mommie Dearest" (Club Mix). |
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oh. my. god.
Paramount Home Entertainment have announced the Region 1 DVD release of Mommie Dearest: Hollywood Royalty Edition for 6th June 2006. Outrageous and controversial, this is the story of legendary movie star Joan Crawford (Faye Dunaway) as she struggles for her career and battles the inner demons of her private life. This torment was manifested in her relationships with her adopted children, Christina (Diana Scarwid) and Christopher (Xander Berkeley). The public Crawford was a strong-willed, glamorous object of admiration, but Mommie Dearest reveals the private Crawford, the woman desperate to be a mother, adopting her children when she was single and trying to survive in a devastating industry that swallows careers thoughtlessly. The rage, the debilitating strain, and the terrifying descent into alcoholism and child abuse are graphically - and unforgettably – depicted in this film, based upon Christina Crawford's best-selling book.
the description looks like they're selling it as a serious drama but the cover art and commentary suggest otherwise. it's not from joanie's incarnate faye dunaway but from john waters who will most likely camp all over the damn thing. hehe. there are also three documentaries, "The Revival of Joan", "Life with Joan" and "Joan Lives On".
i seriously think i have this movie memorized backwards and forwards. aside from the obvious comparisons to my own upbringing, it's just plain silly and over-the-top. in my more bitter days i had a page on my website called "mommie dearest" where i posted the letter my mother sent me telling me she was cutting me out of her life for being gay. it was filled with terrible things like the how i would die of aids and exactly what aids does to the body and how much i would suffer. lovely huh? anywho, i can't wait to see this movie, from great tragedy always comes a little lot of black humor.
ps. i can handle the socks.
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Comments: Read 45 or Add Your Own.
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| Subject: | "it's been a long time since i've been in another guy's bed." |
| Time: | 10:01 am. |
| Mood: |  busy. |
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i had a really great time on friday night with michael. we went to see silent hill. it was probably the worst movie i've seen in years and it made absolutely no sense to us. i mean we even waited around through the credits hoping there would be some clue as to what this sh*tty movie was about. no such luck. haha. it was just random hapless scene after another with really lame clues as to what was going on. the only thing it had going for it were some really great special effects. i guess they were already dead. i think?
michael was so cute though because scary movies really scare the crap out of him; he was like cringing and freaking and pulling his feet up and covering his face with his jacket and stuff. when a scary part would be coming he'd prepare himself by grabbing onto my arm and palm with both hands and then begins squeezing me harder and harder until it was over. it was crazy adorkable. he's great to flirt with because he's totally open and will even grab my hand on the street for no reason which surprised me because it's been a long time since i've dated someone who wasn't afraid of someone beating us up for being gay. sigh. it was extremely refreshing.
after the movie we went to eat at pf changs. michael made me try crab, which was really good. i realized i'm really drawn/attracted to people who draw me out of my shell and expose me to new things. it was actually pretty good but it tasted fattening as hell because it was mixed with like some kind of cream cheese and deep fried into a pancake. haha. mmmm. deep fried.
we finally got to really talk a lot about growing up and our experiences thus far in life. he talked about his ex and why it didn't work and the types of relationships he's often had and why they didn't work out. it turns out we're sort of the same type of person in that regard. we also both come from similiar familiar backgrounds of strife. it didn't surprise me to hear he was friends with everyone in high school and excelled in everything he did because he's still an over-achiever and always has 10 things going on at once, from softball, volleyball, dodgeball and soccer, along with teaching dance and training and managing, he's also a massage therapist and he's going to take his fire fighter exam. i mean i don't know how he finds the time when i can barely work, get to the gym and find a few nights a week to hang out with my friends. he even won home coming king in high school. i never thought i'd date the home coming king. woohoo.
after dinner we went back to my place to just sit on the sofa and talk for a little bit because he had to be at work at 5:00am the next morning. he ended up falling asleep with his head on my chest. awe. and left around 12:45am.
on saturday i went rollerblading with jess. as i met her at some pro-choice rally this really cute guy who'd been eye flirting with me at my old gym two weeks before i left for my new gym walked by. he was like, "hey where have you been? i haven't seen you in a long time! did you switch gyms?" i said i had, it's funny cuz he literally joined the last two weeks and i could tell he was trying to get up the courage to say something to me but i was just two chicken after the last fiasco of a crush on that other guy from my gym. he introduced himself, his name is matt and introduced me to his friend. so we sorta stood there staring at each other for this awkward moment and then he was like, "well it was really good to see you! hopefully i'll see you again soon." and we rolled off. doh!
jess and i had a heart to heart about my little brother and about how i've been so guarded around her lately. the whole dennis thing was sort of a shock to her because i didn't talk to her or john about what i was feeling because i didn't want them to cloud my feelings. i've really only confided in kayla about what was going on. the long and short of it is, she wanted me to know she'd support no matter what and me she was just surprised i never mentioned him at all and she had no idea i was still hung up on him for the six months after our break up. i told her i felt a little like a hypocryt because she was also going through a break up and i didn't want to be telling her to get over it when i was still pining for my ex. so i retreated instead so i didn't really have to share and i didn't have to tell her what she needed to hear which was, "run the other direction."
we met up with john for lunch and sat on the balcony at the other side cafe and just people watched. there was his really cute guy who we think was the manager. jess had a mad crush on him and wanted to say something. unfortunately i had to get to the gym so john stayed with her while she contemplated making a move.
by the time i got home from the gym and grocery shopping (in the rain) it was like 8:30pm. i wasn't really feeling much like going out so i canceled plans with john and started watching tv. michael called me to find out if i had any plans. i told him i had plans with john but i just wasn't feeling all that jazzed about going out so he suggested he come pick me up to watch a dvd or something. he came by around 10:00pm and stopped at mcdonalds to get an ice cream cone en route to his house. haha. he's a terrible influence on me food-wise. i finally got to see his house and his roommates who i'd already met once before. they're in their late 30s/early 40s and really just a sweet cute gay couple. i love seeing older gay couples because i really don't run into any that often. it gives me hope that yes you can find happiness and settle down. they were going out but stuck around long enough to help us find the remote for the dvd player because there was no way to control it otherwise. after they reprogrammed it (because it had been deprogrammed) and we were settled, they left.
we snuggled on the sofa but both quickly passed out about 10 minutes into the dvd. haha. i ended up spending the night. we both slept with our shirts and sweats on but i was dying half way through the night and at first took my shirt off and then my pants an hour later. it's been a long time since i've been in another guy's bed. it felt strange. we snuggled initially but as the night went on it just got so hot so i kept trying to roll away but then i would wake up on him again. haha.
on the drive home in the morning we had a little talk in the car. he basically asked, "so what is going on between us exactly." and i was like "i have no idea." haha. we are both really attracted to each other but we haven't been all that hot and heavy sexually. i mean we haven't done anything and when we kiss it's very brief. i mean we've been very close and intimate but in a tender way, not in a "i wanna rip your clothes off way". we snuggle and hold each other a lot but we haven't like made out-made out. he said he was really into me but it's just so soon after his ex he feels almost like he's cheating even though he doesn't want anything to do with his ex and he knows they're never going to be together. i told him i could completely sympathize. it's like someone is in your life every day and then they're gone and there is that void. they filled a role in your life and now there is a new person filling that role but you obviously don't have the same history so you're going through the motions but you feel a little guilty if that makes any sense.
we both agreed that we aren't sure of anything except the fact that we enjoy spending time together and we both like each other a lot. i'm obviously more open to pursuing something because it's really been six months since dennis and i actually seperated and i've only recently really had to deal with things being completely over. i've had time to get used to the idea of being alone despite the fact that i thought we'd be together eventually. he on the other hand lived with his ex and they were together for a long time. he's only been on his own for a couple of weeks. it's still way too soon for him to be in another relationship at this point and i'm certainly not ready.
we really didn't come to any conclusions, but he felt that he had to put it out there and i'm glad he did because i didn't want to say anything myself because i didn't want to rock the boat. we shared a pretty passionate kiss and he was off to volleyball for the day from 10am-9pm and i was off to start my day. i'm not really sure where we stand right now, in a sense the relationship is perfect for me because he works so late every day so we have little 5 minute conversations before bed and exchange a few sweet text messages or voicemails during the day but i don't actually see him more than a couple of times a week. this is exactly the speed i prefer at the moment because i'm not sure i'm ready for anything more.
during the period from when dennis and i broke up and a couple of weeks ago i felt like i was killing time with other guys. i was hoping he'd eventually get it together, come to some epiphany and apologize for not putting me first, i seriously thought we'd be together eventually. now i feel like i'm adjusting to the loss of that relationship and not ready to dive into another one. hopefully michael and i can just enjoy each other's company without any pressure to be this or that. i'd rather just live in the moment than focus on the future. hopefully he's in a place emotionally were we can do that although i suspect it may even be too soon for that for him. only time will tell.
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Comments: Read 43 or Add Your Own.
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| Subject: | "Is there anything lame anyone ...wants to see me do on video..." |
| Time: | 11:57 am. |
| Mood: | dorky. |
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i'm really short on time this morning so this is going to be a really quick entry. i made myself a promise to write something every day just to keep the juices flowing. mmmm. juices.
so i hung out with susana last night. yay susana! i can't believe we haven't hung out in sooooooo long. loved her and her chocolate banana cream pie. shes got so much going on in her life but she manages to juggle it all with humor and grace. we watched the oc and had new york pizza. we're not fans of anna's long hair. was it just us or did it seem like a wig to everyone else? haha. and what's with the long ghetto finger nails. not having it.
in other news, my accidental-video was such a big hit and so hella-cheezy that i think it would do me some good (as josh would say) to make another one doing something similarly lame but i need some ideas. it has to be short, like under 15 seconds, so if there is anything lame that anyone out there around the globe wants to see me do on video in under 15 seconds (don't go there, it last longer than that) then let me know. let me paraphrase that, is there anything anyone wants to see me do that doesn't involve me being naked or killing myself (sorry haters). all suggestions are welcome and i'm totally open to anything doofy and goofy, in fact the doofier the better. i'd prefer it be something that i can set the timer on my camera and do myself but if need be i can ask john to take the video if necessary.
tonight michael and i are going out on a date. yay. we have to keep it light and early though because he has to get up at 5:00am or something to work, so i'm thinking hot air balloon ride or maybe some archery practice. i want to shoot a plum off his head while standing on one foot balancing a hacky-sack on my other foot.
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Comments: Read 105 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, April 20th, 2006
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| Subject: | "watch me shave like a real person because that's what real people do." |
| Time: | 9:37 am. |
| Mood: | bouncy. | | Music: | John Powell - "Office Work". |
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so ya, haha someone asked me if i was a real person because all of my photos look "staged". well duh of course they are staged. i don't have friends with cameras following me around and taking photos while i make a buffalo chicken sandwich, ride my bike or trip walking down the sidewalk. and if i did, i'd have them killed or at least sick my publicist on them. haha. so to prove i was a real person i tried to think of a photo doing something every day that would prove i was a real person, not a fake person.
at first i was going to take a picture of myself brushing my teeth but i thought it might be a little gross to see my foaming at the mouth. i don't generally foam at the mouth unless i'm in the presence of will estes or any cast member of the soap santa barbara. so i decided to go with a picture of me shaving instead. haha. first i tried to snap this photo but like that time i went to ptown and took a picture of that lighthouse with the fat naked guy in the corner (i seriously didn't even see him cuz he was like 900 yards away) i ended up taking a video. stupid camera. i couldn't figure out why the camera wouldn't upload my photo. well it turns out it was because it was a video. doh. so for your viewing pleasure you can click on this picture and watch me shave like a real person because that's what real people do. lol. actually ps. please "right mouse click" then "save target as" so you don't use up all my bandwidth and my isp doesn't charges me a million dollars i don't have. thanks!
in other news, wasn't alias awesome last night?! omg. omg. omg. spy mommy is back and as evil as ever. i seriously don't know how this show has been on the air as long as it has. every episode is like a full length feature film. that helicopter sequence was fantastic for a television show. it was totally full of angst, suspense, history oh boy lots of history and surprises. i knew spymommy was evil but i never suspected how evil. yet she was still a little soft and her little speech about being either a mother or a spy "not both" was just bittersweet, yet warped, yet lovely. dam dam dam, i wanted to watch it again but i had to go to bed. haha.
but not before i got to talk to michael. he's so charming and dorky. he's the type of guy that on paper i always say i want. someone who's extroverted, funny, outgoing yet attentive, complimentary and affectionate and oh dammmmmm fine. hehe. he already has two pet names for me: "superstar" and "sexy" but he says it all silly like "hey sexy how was your day?" awe. hopefully it's not because he can't remember my name. he called me as he got out of work but i was brushing my teeth with my new electric toothbrush (cuz it makes brushing...fun!) lol. so i called him back as he was walking in his front door. oh shoot i forgot to tell him i wanted to play dodge ball. err. i told him he could call me tomorrow at work if he wanted because he's always calling me on my cell at lunch even though i told him i don't usually answer my cell at work because it's on vibrate in my book bag, that doesnt' hold book but magazines. anywho, i think i've yammered on enough about michael i mean we've spent more time saying good night to each other than we have actually hanging out. dam you and your crazy work hours! hee.
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Comments: Read 218 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, April 18th, 2006
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| Subject: | "we went back to his hotel and ordered up the biggest baddest basket of french fries. |
| Time: | 10:15 am. |
| Mood: | bouncy. | | Music: | Michael Giacchino - "Is That Her?". |
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...so on sunday i slept in. i was supposed to go to the gym with qt-marc so i could make him big and strong and he'd get over his crush on me and some other dude could enjoy the fruits of my labor. haha. i wasn't really feeling it so i decided i just wanted to do cardio instead and he didn't feel like doing that so i went solo and did some abs. go team abs! while i was there i thought i saw eric, well his shape anyway because i'm blind. he sorta has this walk and stance, like he puffs his chest out and bounces a little when he walks. it's like those small animals in the wild who walk big and tall because they are tiny and adorkable and they want to seem menacing and fierce. ya it's like that. hey it's not just me that thinks so his friend chris agrees. it's cute. haha. so i waived but i was sweating like crazy so i went to get a towel before i got onto the elliptical machine.
when i was on the abs machine he came over to me when i was in the middle of getting big time spoilers on my ipod via the tv guide podcast. love me some michael ausiello scoop! hehe. anywho, i was barely listening to him, i was just sorta staring at his smile and thinking "dam veronica mars is getting good." anywho, after i cracked up to another episode of scrubs on the elliptical. i did a walk through to see if he was still there to apologize but he'd left so i sent him a text to see what he was up to. i mean it's silly that we don't hang out any more. i mean the reason we stopped hanging out was because it made dennis uncomfortable and our feelings were all confusing and we were both with other people yadda yadda yadda. so some time had passed and he's over it, i'm over it and dennis is over me.
so he said he wasn't doing anything and he didn't want to watch nick do his laundry and i left my qt-nick a voice mail since he didn't pick up. so we decided to get lunch. it was like old times before things got messy. eric is one of those guys that has something to say about everything so we weren't short on conversation. after lunch we went to find a new belt because one of my coworkers cracked "it must be nice to wear the same white shoes and white belt every day!?" lol. eric suggested i should say "it must be nice to make commission?" haha. at any rate i didn't find a belt since my belt store of choice (newbury comics) was closed. so we went to puma instead and i picked up a replacement pair of white white white pumas instead. hehe. it must be nice to have white white white pumas and a white belt? yes maam, it is nice. sweet. anywho, i also picked up a blue pair and ran into scott while he was folding shirts. he's always nicer to me when he's drunk. lol. i mean he wasn't NOT nice but he's usually all lovey-dovey nice and he seemed focused on folding hard-core. he's still hell-a-cute walking around in his socks. every time i see him i want to hug him. he always looks like he could use a hug. the puma headquarters are in my office building so he said he would drop in this week and see me at work. yay for drop-ins!
we met up with eric's friend chris who's new in town. he sorta got lost trying to find us despite the fact that the hotel he's living in is a straight line to where we were. haha. he's a really cute guy, not just physically, i mean just cute. he's got a good sense of humor and gives a good ribbing when received. it was interesting to see someone else call eric on being well eric. haha. he's got a nice smile too that one. look out boston.
anywho, we went back to his hotel and ordered up the biggest baddest basket of french fries you'd ever seen. eric joked that there was a letter signed by the governor of idaho thanking him for the order since they must have used at least 24 potatos to make this basket of fries. hehe. eric got some ice cream and i got a big bottle of water since i was mad-thirsty and just pigged out on veggie-chili and a tuna sandwich at the other side. chris chatted with guys on myspace while we shot the shit. we were going to see a movie but there was nothing playing so i took them home with me and we watched the family guy movie that kyle bought me for my birthday. thanks kyle! it was so funny! there is something so hilarious about hearing lois drop the f-bomb while drunk that made me giggle ad-nauseum. hee.
eric started to doze off sandwiched between the two of us on the little brown leather sofa. i swear that sofa is permeating some kind of sleep potion because all the boys fall asleep on her (and me). haha. so ya, eric was sleeping with a giant smile on his face like he was having some kind of dirty dream. it was very strange. haha. like he would be giggling a little so i wasn't sure if maybe his other eye was open and he was only half falling asleep but then his head kept bobbing down and side to side yet his giant smile was still on his face. it was hilarious i only wish i took a photo. they left around 10:30pm and i was beat beat beat but i ended up chatting online a little bit and talking to michael before bed.
we had monday off for patriots day and i slept in wayyyyy late and didn't really get out of bed until like 3:30pm because i was trying to get through all that tivo i had stockpiled. haha. i went to the gym and did cardio and then met up with kyle to watch 24. kyle also gets worked up by the show. at the end he was all like "no! no. no. no!" squeezing my glass. i thought it was going to break in his hand. lol. michael called a couple of times while kyle was there but i didn't pick up. i never know what the etiquette is when you get a phone call when hanging out with someone else. do you answer? i guess i think of kyle as a new friend so i'm still following the rules of etiquette and letting the calls go to voice mail. when i called michael later he was all, "you should of answered i could have come over!" doh. next time.
so i talked to michael on the phone for a half hour before bed. g-dam he's just so nice and sweet and he calls me sexy and makes me feel pretty and all that. sigh. i'll spare you my version of "i feel pretty" mostly because i only know that one line about being gay and it's a littttttle cliché. that and i can't sing to save my life. anywho, he said all the boys were abuzz at volleyball this week and wanted to know if i was his neeeeeeeeeew boyfriend. awe. i said i'd come back next week to put the rumor mill into overdrive. lol. he asked me if i played dodge ball since he's putting a team together. i had to ask, is that the game where you throw balls at people's heads and he said yes. sign me up! lol. although i must admit i'm not that great at throwing or catching but i can throw a punch. does that count? *shrugs* so i said i had to get to bed cuz it was late and he's got a cold coming on and he needs his rest. we made plans for our second date on friday. yay second dates! we did the whole "night." "night." "sweet dreams!" "sweet dreams!" "ok night then." "ok night, feel better." "ok, talk to you tomorrow?!" "most definitely!" "night!" "ok night. get some sleep." hahaha. le sigh.
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Comments: Read 15 or Add Your Own.
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| Subject: | " i'm usually really self concious about taking my clothes off in front of other people." |
| Time: | 10:14 am. |
| Mood: | bouncy. |
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i had a really great weekend in spite of the reality check i got on monday. i was so busy i had no time to watch all the tivo i had stock-piled in case of an emotional-emergency meltdown (which never came pass thanks goodness). haha. on friday night alan and i went to the movies because tim had to go to rhode island. we didn't have a lot of time to eat before hand so we headed over to the all-asian mcdonalds. yes, i had pizza for brunch and mcdonalds for dinner. i don't think i've eaten there since i was like 18. i got three chicken strip selects and fries. mmm. fries. oh and the 5 calorie lemonade. how that's even possible i'll never know since even a tic-tac has 1-1/2 calories.
after the cheap eats, we ran over to the theatre cuz it was mad-chilly outside. the temps in boston go up and down from 38 to 70 in the same day. while we were in the line for the fandango machine to print out our tickets i had a mustafa mohammed-sighting! lol. he was too far away for me to yell but he was with this really pretty girl. mmm. pretty girls. ok even i can't pull that off. i didn't bolt out of line because i figured i'd see him at club cafe on saturday. there really isn't much out in theaters right now so we saw scary movie 4 which despite my very very very very very very low expectations was actually kinda funny in a way-doofy sorta way. the target audience for the movie was pretty strange, it was about 1/3 african american, 1/3 asian american and 1/3 latino. i think we were the only gays and i was definitely the only white guy in the place. no wait, there was this asian gay guy with this white dude and we made mutual eye contact like i'm sure black people do when they walk into a room full of white people and see the only other black person there. we sat up in the "railings" as alan calls them and snarfed the free popcorn he got for being an amc movie member or something. note to self, gotta get movie card to get free stuff.
as the movie was about to start it looked like it wasn't going to do very well when all of a sudden this huge posse of ghetto rolled in as the previews were playing. all these girls stood in front of us and were bitching and moaning in native ghetto, "we neva gonna find six seats togeta" but there were actually 7 of them. lol. and she was all, 'i want my money back. i want my money back. dam. dam." and she kept making that clicking sound with her mouth after each expletive. of course they ended up sitting next to us. when we got to the brokeback mountain parady portion of the film i thought they were gonna projectile vomit because they were so turned off by it. one of the girls was all, "you know this is from! omg you know what this is from!?" and the black dudes were like "dude, no. nooo! noooooo way! groooooossss man!" sometimes i forget that i live in a gay bubble or as eric said the gay triangle "boston design center...gay gym...club cafe" lol. anywho, they actually enhanced the experience because the movie was one fart, sex or diahrea joke after another and the fact that were so overwhelmed with laughter and full of ghetto-isms it made the movie all the more amusing. after the movie alan drove me home because i was totally ready to pass out. i called michael back briefly and left him a message since he called me during the film movie. he's always leaving me these cutesy positive up-beat messages but he's always calling me when it's absolutely impossible for me to talk. i fell asleep shortly thereafter as soon as my head hit the pillow. the tylenol pms helped.
on saturday i slept in and woke up refreshed and headed over to get my haircut after i had my breakfast of choice, a tall glass of naked pomogranite juice and a peanut butter clif builders protein bar. i always feel so much more confident when i don't have ugly hair. i mean ya, working out makes me feel a little better about myself but there is something about a great haircut that makes me feel happy. haha. i had a great conversation with kevin my stylist. he's the best. it's very strange because whenever i see him there will be short pauses in the conversation where i'll be thinking about stuff to talk about and then he'll ask me EXACTLY what i was thinking. i think he's also "connected" or something and doesn't realize it. it's way random because i'm talking specific things like i'll be thinking of something like painting my bathroom and he'll be all "so did you ever paint your bathroom?" and i'll be all like "dude i was just thinking about that!" except i didn't use the word dude because its one of those words i only use online but never in conversation. so after i got my top cropped i headed over to american apparell where some cute college girl actually flirted with me. that never happens. i tried on this 50/50 yellow t-shirt and when i got out of the changing booth to look in the full length this girl was standing there waiting to critique her friends outfit and she totally looked me up and down so i sorta burst out and said, "does yellow look good on me or am i too white?" she kinda just mumbled "ya uhuh umm yes it does. you should totally get it." *pause* "totally." and i was like "awwwe thanks!" which i'm sure totally killed her hetero-crush on me instantly. i also picked up another pair of those sweet sweat pants that a few people (specifically michael) have said make my butt look hot...errr...cute. hey i'll take what i can get.
i called jess and john on my way home from my hair cut to semi-arrange some plans for the three of us to hang out after the gym. i was feeling really outstanding and motivated for some reason. it's surprising what little effort it takes to improve my mood, even a sororiety girl with nice boobs can cheer my ass up. so i put in a really kick ass chest and biceps work-out. i must be givin' off this "i'm suddenly approachable"-vibe because this really hot guy asked me to spot him. it was very strange because it was like way too much weight for lil-ole-me to be spotting but i wasn't about to say no. so if he dropped it, it would have totally landed on me and broke something. in typical dork fashion i was wearing my ipod sorta stuffed in the front of my sweats because i had no pockets. so i some how banged the ipod and it like totally fell down into my underwear so this guy is getting ready to curl this bar 4 to 5 times and i'm trying to fish my ipod out of my underwear. of course he's sitting at crotch level in front of me and my hand is just "down there". i'm convineced i'm like a walking anti-sexy time bomb around hot guys. anywho, after i was done he thanked me and i bumbled off to work "in" with these two other dudes who were on the cables. i do my bicep curls one arm at a time because i can concentrate more on the one arm instead of worrying about balance and all that. so the guys i worked in with asked me to show them how to do it because they wanted to try it that way instead. and of course as everyone knows, i have no funking clue what i'm doing at the gym. i barely know the muscles groups and i doubt i'm doing all the exercises properly so i felt like a total tool because i'm like "ya umm that looks right." lol. after that i ran off to another part of the gym in embarrassment because it all totally went down in front of the hot guy i was spotting. interestingly enough as i was using the curling machine in the other room the hot guy came over and asked how many more sets i had. i got this strange suspicion he was going to maybe 'make conversation" or ask me out but he chickened out at the last second. doh. it did also seem a little odd that he was just using free weights to do curls and now he was going to use the 'curl machine'. i mean isn't that like the exact same motion? so of course i had two sets left but i said i only had one set left because i didn't want to inconvenience him. lol. yes i am a tool! doh.
after the workout i retreated to the elliptical machine and cracked myself up watching scrubs. per usual, like i'm not kidding, every time i'm on the elliptical machine, michael calls me and i can't answer cuz i'm all huffing and puffing. double-doh. again with the cute message. he has the most amazingly soft and totally dorky but cute phone voice. he's just so sweet. sigh. i realize i can not get a crush on this guy because he's totally fresh out of a broken relationship and i can not afford to have the rug pulled out from under me again any time soon. so if i have to live vicariously through his sweet messages until something tangible comes along, i'm totally fine with that. haha.
i arranged to make t-shirts over jess' house because she has a sewing machine and we rarely head out to jamaica plain where she lives and she was feeling down so i figured she'd be happy we made the extra effort to get out there to see her. we were also doing something artistic which she likes. so on my way over to her place michael calls and asked me to dinner. i was way bummed that i couldn't but jess needed us. he said a few friends asked him to do stuff but he was waiting to see if i could get dinner or something with him first. bummer. bummer. bummer! i met john at the bus stop at 6:00 and we headed out to lesbianville, usa. we finally got off at the right stop this time because the last couple of times i've always overshot it and ended up having to walk like forever in the middle of no-where to find her place. dam i hate the "country".
 i had jess "take in" my "virgin mary" muscle shirt, you know the one with all the sparklies on it. it's the sister shirt to the jesus muscle shirt that i've actually never worn out in public. i guess i'm saving it for a special occassion. i have more than a few of these really unique pieces of clothing like the bathing suit in this icon that you can only wear like once every 2 years becaues people will recognize them. haha. i also took this really old superman tshirt that was way too big for me and cut off the superman emblem and bought a superman blue american apparell tshirt so we could sew the emblem on the new t-shirt. we put the logo on the back instead of the front and it looked really cool! john did the pinning and jess did the sewing so i guess all i really did was laugh at the will and grace rerun on in the background and take my shirt off and on and off and on and off... i know it sounds strange but i'm usually really self concious about taking my clothes off in front of other people but i'm feeling more comfortable because for the first time i'm actually really happy with the way i look. i know my butt is all over the place so your probably thinking, "dude you. are. not. shy." but it's quite another thing to be like in a room with other people with your clothes off. i can somehow seperate it in my own mind. like last night when eric was embarrassing me about the cake photos and telling his friend chris what other people think about me when they see me because of those dam photos well i was really embarrassed. they really just seem so funny to me and non-sexual but ya, i am naked behind a sheet cake so i guess some people may find that a turn-on. lol. i guess you don't really find yourself all that sexy. and i'm like totally one of those guys who has sex with the lights out. it takes me a while to get comfortable enough to be naked in front of another guy. if i'm totally comfortable with you emotionally i don't mind but that hasn't really happened all that often, maybe only with dennis and jeff. everyone else i was like running from the bathroom to the bed where the covers were.
anywho, where was i? ya so i guess jess really did all the work and we didn't really do anything. thanks jess!! after the sewing party ended we went into the kitchen and had a really good heart to heart for about 90 minutes. we haven't really all hung out together in a long time and i didn't realize how much i had missed our talks. jess has been down a lot lately because she and her girlfriend broke up and i've been lost in my head for the last two months debating whether or not to be forthcoming with my feelings about dennis. i couldn't exactly be telling jess to "get over her ex" when i certainly wasn't over mine so i just kept to myself, as did she. on paper we all seem like total opposites, i'm crazy ocd, uptight, homebody, john is into fashion and beauty aesthetics and jess is very laid back, artsy school teacher. but we all operate pretty much the same way on an emotional level, we all come at our relationships the same way, we all have the same hang-ups and we're all constantly in our heads when it comes to love. our talk brought me a lot of peace and i'm anxious to see where we all are a year from now. i'm anxious to see where all of our exes will be too. her ex apparently is engaged to another woman, yes engaged engaged after only two months apart from jess. we're both at a loss when it comes to how strong our feelings were for people who apparently loved us both "like no other" but totally walked away from that love.
we talked with jess until about 10:00pm then called kyle and took a cab over to club cafe. i ended up wearing the superman t-shirt instead of the virgin mary shirt despite the impending easter holiday. i just felt more comfy in the t-shirt. we had a great cafe experience. the only thing missing was a drunk dennis awkwardly trying to make a conversation with me while i awkwardly tried to remove myself from his presence because i couldn't be trusted to be alone with him. interestingly enough i didn't think about him once all night. i was so busy having fun and talking to friends past and present that i was just "in the moment". mohammed came and we finallllllllly exchanged numbers. he's so sweet but kinda sad on the inside. kyle and brian and his friends also came!! yaaay! brian, kyle and friends!
some realllllllly sweet straight girl pulled me aside and said, "you're really handsome. no you are realllllly handsome. don't laugh or be embarrassed. you are really handsome. you have nice bone structure and beautiful eyes and a nice smile." she kept saying handsome in the boston accent, so it came out like hand-sum. i was totally melting. no one has ever been so flattering to me (even if she was shit-faced haha) the universe must have realized i needed a little confidence boost because i've never really been flattered like this by people so much in one month much less one day. thank you universe. some other girl totally molested me from behind and kept calling me "super boy" because of my shirt. after i threw her off of me she said "it's okay i'm straight". lol. so ya, even if it was only from randoms that i'll prolly never see again it is nice to hear once and a while that you are attractive by people you don't know and have nothing to lose by telling you. because for some reason i never felt all that hand-sum in my last relationship. i mean ya randoms on the internet may say "you're cute" but no one in real life ever says stuff like that to me except maybe michael but that's only because he's the biggest flirt on the planet. and even though it's really a superficial thing to hear who doesn't like to hear it?
 so i'm not sure what i really talked about all night but the evening sorta flew by. mohammed was all drunk and flirty and then i ran into nick (the rebound snuggler) who was all smiley and cutie. and then marc and victor came by and marc was all cutie and victor was all cutie and i was just so happy to be around a lot of positive and happy people who were all being so nice to me. seriously, universe, thank you. oh i did get to talk to brian about the gay cruise we are going on. john and i are definitely in for next january. we have to make the deposit on tuesday for $500.00; you slowly pay over the year so you don't have to come up with $1200.00 in january. brian and his friends go every year and they had so many fun stories. i want to go next week!! not next january. brian said he did extascy once on the cruise and it was amazing. it's the only drug he's every done and he only did it once but he said he thinks i should try it, just once in my lifetime. everyone knows i'm all anti-drug so i said i would pass but thanks. so they were all teasing me all night and kept yelling about how i was really an extascy queen. you see brian likes to yell and talk to people as they are walking by like they are somehow involved in our conversations. so if someone happens to be walking by, he'll repeat the last thing he says to this random stranger, or maybe the next few people. he likes to put strangers on the spot for our amusement. and he certainly took pleasure in letting the world know i was practically a drug dealer. iya. he was wearing this shirt that said ENORMOUS on it. so he kept saying "ya it's ENORMOUS" to like every person that walked by us. he'd be all "hi it's enormous". some of the more catty queens had something clever to say but most guys were just a little stunned at his brazen persona. i'm usually rolling regardless. brian makes my heart smile. sigh. especially when he brings up robin mattson and everyone else pretends they are falling asleep on our shoulders because they're sick of us talking about robin mattson. doesn't she look like madonna in this picture? well either that or lindsay lohan's mom. hehe.
so saturday was pretty much perfect from beginning to end. i got in a great workout. i ate really well. i got complimented by close friends and innocent bystanders. i had some really great heart to hearts by telephone and in person. i tightened up some already good friendships and made some new friends and flirted with some cute guys as well. fittingly enough it was like the resurection of my dorky personality. i need to start spending less time in my head and more time enjoying life, even if it it's just flirting with random girls in the dressing room at american apparell. haha. so kyle gave me a ride home and we drove by some tranny who was smashing someone's car window. i was still kinda bouncy and buzzed, so i took another couple of tylenol pms and retrieved a couple of sweet voicemails and passed out watching the season finale of wildfire on tivo. love me some wildfire the guys are seriously hot. sorry i'm boy crazy.
on sunday i ran into eric at the gym, yes that eric, we decided to hang out for the first time in a long time. we actually had a really great time. he's one of the only guys i know that you can talk about anything with and there is rarely a dull moment. it was fun again, like it was when we first met and things weren't all complicated because we were crushing on each other while in love with other people...(ok this entry is already too long so i'll write about sunday in another entry.) to be continued...
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Comments: Read 64 or Add Your Own.
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| Subject: | "i went over joels last night because he's still in texas and raided his medicine cabinet." |
| Time: | 10:01 am. |
| Mood: | dorky. |
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so my wrist is a little stiff this morning. i think i gave it a good whack last night on the pavement when i fell off my bicycle (see previous entry). kiki seems to think i might have over-compensated with my left wrist at the gym last night when we did chest because i did scrape up my right palm a little bit. it definitely feels stiff like it did after i went through my physical therapy. i just pray to gosh i didn't crack the break or something overy-crazy like that.
 i didn't ride zombie to work today because i heard it was going to rain but it turned out to be one hell of a day. grrr. the bosses are out though so kiki is wearing her pink pumas and i'm wearing my dirty diesels. my leg feels a little sticky and i'm afraid the "fake dirty" in the jeans is going to get my leg infected. i went over joels last night because he's still in texas and raided his medicine cabinet for some hydrogen peroxide to clean out the remaining tar from the sidewalk after kyle went home.
i think i got kyle hooked on the oc and although it's been plenty lame this year, last night was pretty good. i love bittersweet or angsty episodes and this one was full of both. i can't wait for next week's episode, anna is back! and theresa and baby-ryan can't be far behind! anna has long hair in the preview, it's a very different look for her. i like it short!
we're both also really into the loop and adam brody plays the gay son of one of the stars. he was all gothed out in eye liner and black fingers nails last night. way hot! will someone please show me how to put eye liner on cuz i wanna goth it up. i think my big blue eyes (with one brown spot) might look kinda cool with eye liner. i couldn't really care less if it's box-office poison with the guys because i really have nothing to lose.
so today is going to be sooooooooo boring, kiki and i are instant messaging each other even though we are only 5 feet apart. for some reason the novelty of instant messaging someone sitting next to you is amusing. maybe it's because we can be all catty and silly without people listening. we also just ordered a pizza, yes i know it's only 10:30am. haha. i'm craaaaaaaaaazy like that.
hmmmm what else? i need some more lj-icons, now that we're allowed to have 50. i stole a bunch from some oc forum last night, i hope they don't break my legs or anything. i need a really good anti-bush one. anyone have anything?
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Comments: Read 26 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, April 13th, 2006
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| Subject: | "i just took a major face/hand/knee plant on zombie charity!" |
| Time: | 6:03 pm. |
| Mood: | amused. | | Music: | Passions: "We shouldn't chase men who don't put us first.". |
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 ok i just took a major face/hand/knee plant on zombie charity on my way home from work. my hands are buuuuuuuurning and my leg is throbbbbbbbing. grrr. it doesn't look that bad on film but it's gonna look awesome when it scabs over. hehe.
there was this temporary plastic pipe coming up from the sidewalk with all this newly poured black-top around it (which is still stuck under my palms). it's a little wet out right now so when my tire hit the plastic pipe it slid and i went flying over the handlebars. oowy. i'm glad i was on the side walk and not at the four-way intersection 4 feet behind me. phew.
i just cleaned the giant scrape on my leg that i didn't even realize i had until i got in the elevator in my building and some guy in my building who i think was a doctor because he was wearing scrubs said, "that's a nasty cut" and i thought he was talking about my hands until he pointed to my leg which had blood running down to my ankle sock. haha. oops. anywho, i cleaned it off and i put a giant bandage on my knee but i left the rest of it open because there is really no point to putting like 6 band-aids down my leg. and no kyle this isn't my way of getting out of doing legs tomorrow. hehe.
thankfully my arm is fine, i always freak out a little when i slip or fall because i don't want or need another broken arm. one broken body part a week is enough and i've already reached my quota. hee.
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Comments: Read 47 or Add Your Own.
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